I feel like the adults in my home—my spouse and the grandparents—are addicted to their phones and social media. The constant comparison is making everyone feel like we're not enough, and it's wearing us down. How do you handle this?
Dr. Kevin Skinner:
This is a concern I hear a lot, and it’s one that affects nearly every family today. None of us are really immune to it. If you want to find out how much time you're spending on your phone, just check your screen time—it’s often hours per day. Teens average 6 to 8 hours, but now it’s all of us: parents, grandparents, everyone. Phones have become our primary source of information, entertainment, and communication.
So, go back to the model we’ve discussed:
What’s the issue?
Why is it a problem?
How can I best communicate this with my loved ones?
Start simple:
“Hey, I’ve noticed that when we’re at the dinner table, we’re eating, but doing it independently. We’re not really spending time together. I’d love to just talk and hear about your day. Could we create time—maybe during dinner or before bed—where we actually talk about our day?”
Notice the phrasing: “I would love...” It’s soft, caring, inviting. Contrast that with: “Can you put your phones down already? You’re always on your devices during dinner.” That tone won’t be as effective and may create defensiveness.
The goal is to be soft, caring, tender—to issue an invitation to connect rather than criticism. You might even validate their habits and say, “I probably do the same thing.”
This attendee is spot-on: this is a cultural issue, and we must become intentional about how we consume media. One great book I recommend is Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport. It’s a good reminder of how technology influences our lives.
He shared that adults pick up their phones 29 to 39 times a day. If each time lasts 5 minutes, that adds up to hours daily. So reflect:
When was the last time you read a book cover to cover?
Had a deep conversation about a movie?
Went to the park or on a bike ride?
These are experiences that help us reconnect.
In my family, we recently took a trip that ended with visiting an old-fashioned ice cream parlor. The kids loved it. They asked, “Can we come back here?” It was a meaningful memory. We long for that kind of connection.
So invite your family into these types of activities. If you do it softly and with love, I believe they’ll want to join you.
