How can I help my younger brother who has special needs feel more confident at school?
Well, let me just say first and foremost, what a great question. How can I help? It sounds like this is a sibling trying to help their sixth-grade sibling overcome some fears and anxieties. So first of all, I’d say kudos to this older sibling. I think that’s a great thing.
Now the question is: can I influence the outcome? Can I be there to support? Yes. But what does that look like? What kind of support can I offer? In a situation like this, it’s recognizing what I can influence and what I can’t influence.
The most important thing you can do with your sibling is develop a meaningful connection. Sometimes we think we need to intervene, when really what we need to do is help them feel validated, like they matter to us and are important.
I would start with developing a meaningful relationship. Then ask: are there certain skills you, as an older sibling, can help your younger brother develop? Communication skills, scholastic skills like math or reading, and spending more time with them can be very beneficial.
From my perspective, it really is the relationship that matters. It’s spending time, developing that connection, and helping with skills. If your younger sibling says, “I can’t,” and you already know how to do it, then practice with them. If they’re willing to practice with you, together you’ll develop a more valuable relationship and a better one-on-one experience.
You’re not going to solve the problem as much as be with him in the problem. Whatever support you’re allowed to give may go a long way in helping him gain confidence. Ultimately, you want your sibling to develop internal confidence—a belief that they can do it—and you’re helping them build that skill.
Your presence and being with them can help increase that confidence. As an example, early in my career I worked with children who had been removed from their homes. One young man struggled with his times tables. I worked with him, played a game, and practiced together. Over time, he improved, and his confidence grew.
The point is this: it’s about spending time, putting in effort, and practicing skills together. Your sibling may say, “I can’t do it,” but if you’re there with them, that relationship may help them realize that they can.
