De-escalating Cycles of Conflict
In this session, marriage and family therapist Jenna Riemersma explains how to manage and resolve conflicts in a way that fosters understanding and compassion. We explore the concept of Internal Family Systems, explaining how our core self is surrounded by different parts that get activated during conflicts.
We discover practical strategies to help you and your children handle conflicts more effectively, and we discuss the importance of recognizing and naming emotions, using deep breathing and smiling to create positive energy, and modeling calm and constructive behavior. These techniques not only help de-escalate tense situations but also teach your children valuable skills for emotional regulation and conflict resolution.
We discover practical strategies to help you and your children handle conflicts more effectively, and we discuss the importance of recognizing and naming emotions, using deep breathing and smiling to create positive energy, and modeling calm and constructive behavior. These techniques not only help de-escalate tense situations but also teach your children valuable skills for emotional regulation and conflict resolution.
Instant Insights
Deep Dive
Key Takeaways
1
Identify Conflict Cycles
Recognize recurring conflicts in your home by identifying triggers and emotional responses. Understanding these patterns helps address underlying issues and improve family dynamics.
2
Understand the WHY
Explore the reasons behind your actions during conflicts. Recognize if you feel afraid, anxious, or alone, and understand how these feelings impact reactions.
3
Speak FOR, Not FROM Emotions
Communicate your feelings calmly and constructively, rather than reacting from heightened emotions. This approach helps express needs without escalating conflict.
4
Be Self-Aware
Identify your protective parts and their influence on behavior in conflicts. Self-awareness promotes healing and constructive change in how you handle disagreements.
5
Understand Your Child’s Emotions
Learn the emotions driving your child’s behavior. Recognizing their protective and vulnerable parts can enhance communication and resolve conflicts more effectively.
6
Use Time-Outs Effectively
Implement time-outs during escalating conflicts to allow everyone to cool down. This pause helps in gaining clarity and prevents further emotional escalation.
7
Separate Emotions from Situations
Distinguish between the emotions triggered during conflicts and the actual situation. This separation helps maintain calm and stay in control of responses.
8
Practice Compassion
Show compassion to yourself and your children during conflicts. Acknowledge that protective parts are trying to ensure safety, fostering a supportive environment.
9
Reflect on Solutions
After conflicts, reflect on what strategies worked and what didn’t. Use these reflections to develop better approaches for future disagreements.
5 Things You Can Do to De-Escalate Conflict with Your Child
- Recognize and Acknowledge Emotions: Identify your own emotions and those of your children during conflicts. Speak for these emotions, rather than from them, to help reduce tension.
- Practice Deep Breathing and Smiling: Take deep breaths and smile before responding to conflicts. This can generate positive energy and calm your mind, making it easier to handle the situation constructively.
- Identify Protector and Exile Parts: Understand your own protector and exile parts, as well as those of your children. This awareness can improve empathy and communication, reducing the intensity of conflicts.
- Focus on True Emotions: Look beyond surface reactions and identify the true emotions driving your behavior. Understanding the root cause of your emotions can lead to more effective resolution strategies.
- Model and Teach Conflict Resolution: Teach your children how to recognize and express their emotions appropriately. By modeling calm and constructive behavior, you can help your children develop better conflict resolution skills.
Additional Resources
Get additional resources with our on-demand courses library
How to Resolve Family Arguments and Escape Conflict Cycles
The family arguments can start over small things. Maybe a...
Article
What Are Some Strategies to Diffuse Anxiety That’s Showing as Anger?
Dr. Kevin Skinner addresses how to manage anxiety manifesting as...
Ask a Therapist
What Do You Do With a Child Throwing a Temper Tantrum?
Dr. Skinner discusses temper tantrums in children, suggesting that they...
Ask a Therapist
For school leaders & community organizers, click here for additional resources.
