How can I better handle daily conversations with my daughter, where she has a very negative view on
life, and I think this is saying a negative view on
wanting to be alive.
Um, Dr. Skinner, would you mind taking this question?
Yeah. Thank you for the question.
And, and for the parent, uh, my heart, uh, this is hard
and, and, and I think at some point we all have to pause
and say, let's just think about what you just wrote
or typed, right?
How do I communicate with my daughter?
There's negativity and this,
and this feeling of I don't even know if I wanna be alive.
So let me start with that part of it, that,
that concern about not wanting to be alive.
Uh, we, we have, um, a series called My Worth.
Life is Worth Living.
And in there, there are conversations that, that are very,
very helpful for parents knowing how to deal with a lot
of different children's of children's issues.
So I, if we could get them this, these parents to resource,
uh, of some of those resources, my life is worth living
to get them access to that.
I think that would be very helpful
because part of this, my answer, it would be,
we need to have a language.
We need to know how to have these conversations.
And I think it's modeled very well in some
of those animated videos in my life is worth living.
So I, I would strongly recommend checking that out.
Now, in addition to that, there are
specific things in this situation that I want
to be very clear on.
One is, if our child has, is continually talking about, um,
I don't wanna live, I'm feeling suicidal,
or I just am so overwhelmed, I just wanna quit.
I think it's important that we have to,
that we are aware enough
and confident enough that we can have conversations
with our children, not in a fear, but openly and honestly.
I'm concerned I love you.
Is it, is it something that it's hard to talk about,
but have you felt suicidal?
And our openness
and our our willingness
to have these conversations is very important.
And so, again, if you ever are feeling that way,
would you promise me to come talk to me?
Because I'm on your team here.
I'll do whatever I can to find support,
and we're gonna do whatever we can.
Now, as a parent, one
of the things I would want all the parents here
to know tonight, all the, all the school administrators,
children often have these feelings.
In fact, we have these feelings.
I often, when I do, uh, uh, meetings with individuals
who are working with, uh, people who've been suicidal, I,
I ask them to raise their hand,
have you had these suicidal thoughts in your life?
Life? And I say, just raise your hand
if you've had that experience.
And my experiences, many,
sometimes more than 50% have also
had suicidal thoughts.
So I wanna de-stigmatize this idea
of there's something wrong or there's something bad with me.
More important, I just wanna have this conversation.
It's not wrong. And it takes courage to tell me.
And if you as a parent have experienced it,
that openness is really a helpful thing for you.
You know, I, in the past I had feelings like that. You did?
Yeah. Would you like me to share what my experience was?
I was feeling overwhelmed. And,
and then you go through a story.
Now your vulnerability allows your child to see a humanness,
a parent who's not this,
I can't understand you, or I can't read you.
Now, if you haven't had that experience
and it doesn't make sense, that's okay too.
Because what you are going to be saying is, I'm here for you
and I want to understand what you are experiencing.
No judgment, I just wanna understand you.
So I would wanna start in that place with this child
that's just understanding, having that conversation.
Now, there was the second part to this question,
which was really the first part of it,
and that is, my child has a negative view.
Now that's a little bit of a different question
because negative views are, uh, it's an energy.
The child has experienced some event
or events that help them
or make them see the world in a way that's not positive.
Have they been bullied? Have they experienced some level
of trauma, of adversity, conflict, negativity?
And so if so, it's being with
that child in their experience,
what I might say in their suffering.
So I might actually practice something.
Would you be willing to share
with me the most difficult thing you did today
or the most difficult experience you had?
I might do that. And I might say, alright,
so now you've told me about the most negative.
What's the best thing that happened to you today?
Now what you're doing is you're actually doing something
that the researchers have found is exploring the good.
Dr. Martin Seligman, in his wonderful book,
authentic Happiness
and his subsequent books, he studied happiness.
And what they found is individuals who can find gratitude
and what something that happened positive during the day
and why that thing happened,
their happiness levels actually increase.
And not just now,
but when you do that consistently six months later,
your level of happiness is higher than if you
didn't do that experience.
So if, if you wanna increase your own level of happiness
and do it in your family, identify something
that you're grateful for every day
and why that thing happened.
So not just what you're grateful for, but why it happened.
In doing so, the research shows you'll
increase levels of happiness.
You'll be focusing on positive things,
and that's something that would, I would strongly recommend moving forward.
