Teenage Son and Learning Healthy Boundaries

My 17-year-old son likes to touch and likes to hang all over me at times. Sometimes I'm a little uncomfortable. What do I do as a mother? You know, it's an interesting question because I have seen that, um, sometimes children are, uh, maybe mother's feeling clingy. This child is feeling clingy. Um, I, I would talk with, uh, the child about a healthy touch and, and, uh, uh, you'd like this, they want the energy. First of all, start with self. What does that touch mean to you? When they touch, when they want that hug, when they want that, what does it mean to you? And if you're uncomfortable there, I want you to think about what is it that ma is making me uncomfortable? There's probably a, a something that's that, that's fear, feeling uncomfortable. How do I show love there and appropriateness with my child and talking about my level of comfort? So I have to learn how to have a healthy boundary and do so with love. And, and so you might, again, you might think about how to say this, this is just my version of it, but you might try your version of it and think about what am I trying to communicate? But first of all, identify your level of discomfort and what you think is triggering that. What is it was your fear? What is your concern and why is it a concern? So it's what I refer to as the what and the why. What is it that you're concerned about and why is it bothering you? Then you have to figure out, how do I communicate this with my child? So the what, the why, the how, how do I best communicate this with my child and do it in a loving way? So let's say my son's name is Bob, or it's a girl, whatever, it doesn't matter. It may be a conversation that goes something like this. You know, I realized something the other day. I realized you really like touch. And I did not. I, I, I guess I, it's taken me time, but I realize that you are a touchy person. You like that? Have you ever wondered why? Because for me personally, I'm not as touchy. And, and I realized, I've had to ask myself why is that the case? And that's something I've been reflecting on. So I know that you like touch and I'm not as touchy of a person, and I don't want you to feel rejected because I love you. You matter to me, and I'm just letting you know how I feel. And I, I've realized that that's important to you. So with that being said, can we talk about how I can meet your needs even though there's times where I'm not as, as touchy of a person? 'cause I want you to still feel my love. 'cause you matter to me. Now, I'm not rejecting this child. I'm simply owning my truth and I'm being vulnerable, and I'm looking for a solution. So that would be my initial start here. If your child's like, oh, well then I'm never gonna touch you right then, then that's not the message we're after here. What we're trying to do is help our child understand where we're coming from. So one of the things that maybe you identify, I know it's important to you, and as a parent, and I, I'll be honest with you guys, um, I actually give my children foot massages if they want them. And the reason why is because I know that healthy touch matters. I had a daughter who about a year ago, had surgery and she loves her feet. Uh, she put, we could do some a foot bath in the evening and, and she just loves her feet being massaged. I have no problem with that, but it's healthy touch for her. A girl 16 years old. My point is, is finding a way to have healthy touch in the way that it's gonna meet a child's need but not overwhelm you. Knowing how to do that is gonna be an ebb and a flow between you and your child. Make sure it's done with love. The communication is done from a place, from your heart, and I think you'll have a positive outcome.How do I make my child more confident, who lacks confidence? and in this case, the parent is saying, because of my postpartum depression, feeling like maybe that child's confidence has been affected due to, um, the, the parent's postpartum depression. Wondering if you could just, um, shed some light on, on that question, um, that, how to, that came in. Yeah. So I wanna talk a little bit about, um, uh, postpartum depression. I don't know if that was something that occurred when the child was, was young or if that's something that's they're experiencing now. So I'm gonna speak to that both directions. If you're currently feeling that postpartum depression, I would want to make sure that you're taking care of self, doing self-care, uh, cre creating interactions that are positive for you. Um, some of the best things that we can do for postpartum depression, including getting outdoors, being moving the body, and, and, and sometimes I read a book called Spark, and they found that one of the best things that we can do when we're experiencing postpartum depression is to get a mild, mild form of exercise. So it might be taking the child on a stroll around the block, uh, being in nature, uh, and, and just being outside can be, can be beneficial. Number two is actually our eating habits. And, um, and, and after giving birth, it's very, very common for the body. It's, it's, it's lost a lot of hormones and chemicals with the delivery of the baby. So it takes a little bit of time. I would wanna make sure that I'm talking to the doctor about that, because many medical professionals today are aware of postpartum depression, and they can offer, um, suggestions on how to best go through that. So I would do that. Now, let's talk about your child level of confidence. And that, interestingly enough, still can come back to helping you make sure that you are confident because the message you want to send to your child is really, I want you to believe in yourself, but if you don't believe in yourself, it's really hard to say to your child, Hey, you're doing great. You're enough. Now, you may be saying it, but if you don't believe yourself that you're enough, it's hard to really put that message and that energy into that. So work on self because you are enough and, and the fact that you're showing up asking these types of questions tells me that you care. It, it matters to you. So if I can, I, I would wanna give you a pat on the back and say, you're doing just fine. The next part of that, I would say is as you go through this type of an experience, sometimes being open, you know, sometimes in my life I felt sad and I've lacked confidence. Well, how did you do that? How did you get outta that? That's their question. And that's you talking about how you overcame challenges, adversity. What we want to do is we wanna teach our children to be resilient, strong, to do hard things, and we're gonna go through these emotional experiences and we're gonna come out of them. The true thing of all life is we have both emotions. Many, I should say, good and bad, hard and easy. We have a range of experiences. And what we want to teach ourselves and our children is that when we go through hard things, we can get back up. We can do these things that are hard. And so in this, I would say to your child, look, I want you to know that you are incredible. Now, you might not feel that way sometimes. Sometimes you might struggle with confidence, but let's talk about what confidence is. Where does it even come from? Now, that would be an interesting conversation between you and your child. What do you think makes one person confident and another one not as confident? Now what you're doing is brainstorming. How does this person get cnce? Why is that person confident? Why is that person not? And so now you're going back and forth having a meaningful conversation, which is very good for you and your child. You might wanna think through some of those questions in advance.