Here's a question about a custody battle.
"I'm involved in a long custody battle filled with financial and emotional abuse, minimization, manipulation, alienation, and gaslighting. What specific therapist should I see to help navigate the court?"
For the child, or for you?
For you? Let me give both perspectives.
First and foremost, I want to say that early in my career, I worked with individuals who had been through domestic violence and abusive relationships. Those are very hard situations. My heart goes out to you. It's difficult to parent when you're going through this—it’s stressful, and you feel like you're in a constant battle.
So first, I want to acknowledge you for showing up tonight despite everything you're dealing with. That takes a lot of strength, and I commend you for it.
Now, let’s talk about you. Maybe you didn’t explicitly ask for help for yourself, but it’s essential that you prioritize self-care. Make sure you're getting support and talking about what you're experiencing with others—a professional therapist who specializes in domestic abuse would be very beneficial. Look for someone who understands intimate partner violence and the emotional toll it takes.
It also sounds like you’re dealing with continuous lies, manipulation, hidden behaviors, and accusations. You need a strong support system around you. This isn't a battle you want to fight alone.
Now, regarding your child—it's crucial to keep them out of the middle. That can be challenging, especially if your ex (or soon-to-be ex) is trying to triangulate, which is a term we use in therapy when a child is pulled into the conflict between two parents. If your child feels like they have to choose between Mom and Dad, that is incredibly unhealthy.
If this is happening, you may need to involve attorneys to help minimize the conflict. Sometimes, parents will attempt parental alienation, which is when one parent actively tries to turn the child against the other. If you suspect this is occurring, document specific examples and discuss them with your attorney. The court system can sometimes help mitigate these harmful effects.
This is a very difficult situation, and my heart goes out to you. My best recommendation is to seek professional support, build a solid network around you, and, if necessary, work through legal channels to protect both yourself and your child.
