How can I help my child who is not happy with her weight?
Oh, such a great question.
Um, I don't know many teenagers that are happy
with their weight, so I, I'm just gonna put it there.
This is, this is such a common question,
and I wanna talk with the messages that we send as parents
to our children about their weight.
I think culturally, we may have started a shift here,
but I still think
that we put an overemphasis on certain body types.
And what we want to do to emphasize
to our children is actually healthy living habits,
not focus on weight.
Uh, uh, let me just give an example.
A girl going through puberty, she naturally gains weight.
That's just, that's just the body change.
It's the body shift.
And many teenagers, if you ask them,
they don't like their body image.
It's so common as parents, we wanna validate, we wanna love,
we wanna encourage and let them know that they are enough.
I can't tell you how many people I've seen in my office
who heard something like this.
You're getting a little bit too much fat on your legs
or on your stomach or on your sides as a parent.
Please never be engaged in that kind
of language with your children.
Children need validation. They need affirmation.
And what we're trying to do is teach healthy habits,
healthy habits, healthy life.
And so what we wanna do is we want to go on walks,
we wanna do exercises, we wanna do this as a family,
be engaged in, in those types of activities.
Now, what, when my child's saying I don't like my wi weight,
or they're concerned about it, why do you say,
that might be a question I would ask.
Help me understand, because I,
I think you look good the way you do.
Now, let's say that they are somewhat overweight.
Let's say that by, by their definition, they are overweight.
They're, they, they've gained weight.
So talk with me about that. How can I help you?
And then most important thing
that we can do there is still love
and validate, you know what?
Regardless of weight, I just need you to know
that you matter to me, that I love you.
That you're the most incredible person. And, and I love you.
No matter what your weight is,
no matter what's going on in your life, I love you.
And if you wanna help losing weight, I'm on your team.
I'll, I'll do whatever I can to help and support you.
But I just need you to understand first
and foremost, I don't want that
to be the focal point of your life.
You're enough and what you're, you're expressing concern,
then let's do something.
And I'll be here to support you,
but I don't want you to focus on that part.
Happiness is not dictated by your weight.
It's by healthy habits.
And if we wanna change how we're eating around here,
so you feel you like you're eating healthier,
great, we can do that.
If we wanna reduce the time we're, uh,
and the type of foods we're eating, fast foods,
I'm here to support with that too.
And, and that's, you know, if we can all get engaged in this
process, the better off our family can be.
So I think that can be an intentional thing
from our, within our family.
But the first and most important message there is they need
to know that you care about them.
That's absolutely, in my mind,
the most critical thing you can do.
So they know that their love,
their weight is not gonna determine
your care or love for them.
Because when I hear parents say, you know, you need
to lose some weight, you've got a little bit too much
cellulose, what, whatever it may be, the message is, is you,
you're not acceptable.
You're not looking quite right.
And so we gotta be very careful there.
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