Establishing Healthy Boundaries

The Benefits of Setting Healthy Family and Relationship Boundaries

When driving down the highway, guardrails matter. They’re not there to prevent drivers from getting to their destination. Instead, these boundaries help everyone get where they need to go safely. The same is true in raising children.

In parenting, boundaries matter.

In this article, we’ll share insights from Jenna Riemersma, a Marriage and Family Therapist, and other research-based knowledge on how and why to establish healthy boundaries. 

What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are the limits we set with other people. They show what behavior is acceptable and what is not (Cohen, 2024).

What Are the Types of Boundaries?

There are several types of boundaries people can set for themselves (Zacharias Center, 2021).

  1. Physical boundaries: Boundaries for physical safety, including what people are comfortable with from others.
  2. Time boundaries: How much time we devote to others.
  3. Conversational boundaries: Limits on topics someone is open to talking about.
  4. Relationship boundaries: Limits agreed upon with family members.
  5. Personal boundaries: Rules we set for ourselves. 


Knowing your boundaries is key when conflicts or questions arise with your child. Clear, consistent decisions reinforce parental reliability, set expectations, and provide children with a sense of security (Soyombo, 2023).

How to Set Clear Boundaries With Family

The main ingredient in setting boundaries is consistency (Cohen, 2024). Consistency means saying your boundaries verbally and then reinforcing that through actions. 

5 Ways to Build Healthy Family Boundaries

To set effective boundaries, first identify what they are.

ParentGuidance.org offers five simple steps for building healthy family boundaries. Those are: 

  1. Establish Clear Boundaries: Define and communicate your boundaries to your child. Do this before emotions run high.
  2. Be Present: Make an effort to be physically and emotionally available for your child.
  3. Start with the End in Mind: Before responding to a situation, think about the long-term relationship. Also think of the outcome you want to build with your child.
  4. Practice Reflective Parenting: Regularly assess how you are parenting. Make adjustments as needed to support their growth.
  5. Encourage Independence: Begin teaching your child practical skills they’ll need as adults. These can include managing their time, finances, and self-care.


Understanding Different Parenting Styles

Understanding different parenting styles helps set boundaries with a child. It’s important to think about which style you use.

Think of parenting styles in three different ways, Riemersma explains:

  1. Authoritative Parenting Style: This is being demanding and responsive, but not restrictive. It has a child-centered approach and includes high parental involvement (East Carolina University, 2018).
  2. Authoritarian Parenting Style: In this style of parenting, parents set rigid rules with no explanation. They expect their children to obey them without question or face severe punishment. Obedience is seen as love (WebMD.com, 2023).
  3. Uninvolved Parenting Style: Uninvolved parents provide for basic needs, but otherwise they pay little attention to their child (WebMD.com, 2023).  


The Advantages of an Authoritative Parenting Style Versus Uninvolved or Authoritarian Parenting 

An authoritative parenting style balances firmness and compassion. This promotes positive outcomes. A negligent or lax parenting style can lead to problems for the child down the road. So can overly strict parenting (Nelson, 2023). 

It’s ok to be warm AND set high standards. This gives the highest probability of a good outcome (Nelson, 2023).

With these parenting styles in mind, parents can see when to “release the ball” in parenting. That’s a big part of setting healthy boundaries, Riemersma says.

Knowing When to Release the Ball

Timing is important.

Like Steph Curry aiming for a three-pointer, you have to know when to release the ball for best results. In this case, “the ball” is a child. The hoop is a successful, happy life. 

Letting the ball go too early means being physically absent. That includes not showing up to important events, Riemersma says. That could be something like a recital or ball game. It’s abandoning children by failing to show interest in their lives.

Another way to drop the ball is by being physically present but emotionally absent. Showing love, interest, and affection is important. Parents should be mindful of times when they are face-to-face with a screen. Instead, could they be face-to-face with their child?

Families should also be aware of being too busy. They shouldn’t always tell children they’re too busy, or say “maybe later.” Children keep track of how often they’re pushed aside, Riemersma says. 

She further explains that there’s also the chance of releasing the ball too late. That can prevent a child from developing into their adult self. In that case, children can’t handle life experiences. That’s because parents have always done it for them.

The Ongoing Journey of Setting Healthy Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries in parenting is an ongoing process. It’s a journey that requires consistency, compassion, and self-awareness.

Setting clear boundaries and nurturing growth empowers children to thrive in the world. 

Parent with the end goal in mind. That means encouraging independence and resilience in children. Boundaries are a big part of that.

Remember, setting boundaries is an act of love.

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