Do I continue to rescue my daughter from school when she calls me melting down, or do I tell her to figure it out?

There are two or three parts to this. While I don't know what the meltdown is about, I do know that if she can face it, she will gain strength and resiliency moving forward. We want to teach resiliency, but we also don’t want to ignore something she truly can’t cope with, which may lead to resentment toward you as a parent.

A natural instinct is to rescue, but we also want to help our children develop resilience. So instead of taking her home, you might talk with a school counselor or someone in administration about strategies to support her in those moments. It can be a hybrid approach—seeking support at school while also recognizing what is triggering these meltdowns and feelings of overwhelm.

The third piece is teaching emotional regulation—how to deal with difficult emotions. Our society’s autonomic nervous system, our fight-or-flight response, is activated more today than in previous generations. We aren’t sleeping enough, we’re pushing ourselves constantly, and our bodies are in a heightened state of stress.

Helping children find a safe, calm, relaxing place can make a difference. Some school districts have calm rooms where kids can get away from noise and chaos. We all need a safe space where our minds and bodies can breathe.

It’s also helpful to teach children techniques that activate the vagus nerve, which acts like a brake to counter the body's stress response. Relaxing helps the body rest, digest, and sleep better. It’s important for children to understand that it’s okay to calm their minds and that they’re not actually facing a threat.

We must learn emotional regulation ourselves and then teach it to our children. When they’re in school or social situations, these tools help them regulate their emotions effectively.