Our first question is, how do I deal with teens who don't care if they live or die?
If I’m a parent, teacher, or administrator and I hear that statement, the first thing I want to recognize is that it is a mental health screaming red flag. It suggests the person is in a crisis. When a teen says it doesn’t matter whether they live or die, we would define that as a state of hopelessness or helplessness — a feeling that nothing they do matters.
There are two important things to understand. First, we need to identify the root cause. What is driving that hopelessness? What experiences or challenges have impacted them to the point where they feel nothing they do matters? That is a state where we want to help them.
The primary way we help someone in this situation is through relationships. It’s through connection, meaningful conversations, and listening to their story.
If I had a relationship with this person and heard them say something like that, I might respond by acknowledging their potential. I would share what I see in them — their strengths, skills, influence, and the ways they positively impact others. I would express curiosity because their statement doesn’t match the value and potential I see in them. Even within a family, I would point out how they contribute and matter.
However, beneath that statement is often a deeper sense of hopelessness and possibly depression. If these feelings continue over an extended period of time, I would recommend seeking help from a professional therapist to assess for clinical depression and better understand what they are experiencing.
My larger concern is when someone feels like nothing matters, because that increases the risk for suicidal thoughts or ideation. When a teen says it doesn’t matter if they live or die, connection becomes essential. We want to strengthen relationships, encourage open conversations, and involve a professional therapist if the feelings persist. The goal is to help them talk about what they are experiencing while identifying and reinforcing their core positive traits.
