eah. So I want to first address that feeling, because we’re not used to feeling hate. It’s confusing — why am I feeling this? Part of understanding it is realizing that a family member has hurt you or your family. The most important thing you can do for this individual is reflect on the emotions you’re feeling and not instantly reject them. We often don’t like hate or anger and think they’re bad or wrong, but hate is really an intense form of anger — it’s the feeling of “you’ve hurt me and I want to lash out or cut you off.”
That’s a normal response when people have hurt us. So we have to start by honoring that emotion instead of rejecting it, because rejecting it prevents healing. Sit with your feelings and try to understand them. I suggest writing about them — spend 20 minutes a day for a few days writing about your feelings of hate without judgment. Give the hate a voice.
When we’re afraid of hate or anger, we push it down, but that only makes it grow stronger. Anger isn’t a sin; it’s a natural response to experiences we’re trying to make sense of. If we don’t express it, it can dominate our emotions and actions. Writing helps release it — the first day might feel like “verbal vomit,” just letting everything out. That’s okay; you’re giving your feelings a voice.
Over several days, your writing will shift. You might move from “I hate you” to “your actions made me feel unloved or unimportant.” Eventually, you begin to realize your worth isn’t defined by someone else’s behavior. Their actions hurt you, but they don’t define you. The goal is to move from hate to self-worth — from being controlled by emotion to owning it.
When you can say, “I felt unloved when you acted this way, but I know I am lovable,” that’s the healing shift. If you struggle to reach that space, therapy or additional personal work can help you strengthen your sense of self-worth and separate your value from others’ actions. It’s not easy, but it’s freeing — you stop letting their behavior control your life.
