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How Do We Correct Ungrateful Behaviors?

- User Submitted

Our first question tonight is Dr. Skinner, how do we correct ungrateful behaviors?

I would probably begin by looking at where we, again, depending on the setting, where ungratefulness is, whether it's in the home or in schools, whatever it may be. Usually, the expression of gratitude or appreciation comes from example.

And so, the work of Dr. Martin Seligman, he talks about how to increase our level of happiness. And that is something that is simply through gratitude and expression of gratitude.

So one of the answers would actually be modeling what we're grateful for. So if I was in this situation, depending on if that's happening at home or where that's occurring at the dinner table, I might actually begin with an exercise of what are you grateful for today? And why did that theme happen?

And I might have to model that today. I'm grateful for the food in front of us. Why did it happen? Well, let's look at these grapes or these apples or this fruit in front of us. Why, why do we have that? Well, let's go. Somebody in the grocery store, they stocked the shelf or they stocked the bananas or the grapes.

Well, where did the grapes come from? Well, somebody actually took them in in the store and they put 'em there on the shelf. Well, where did they get 'em? Well, they got 'em from some delivery person. Well, where did they get it from? Well, they got it from a farmer. Well, where did that come from? It came from a tree or, uh, vine.

Well, where did that come from? Well, that farmer took the time to prepare it. And so, in essence, what we're doing is we're breaking down some of the things that we just take for granted. And sometimes that model is a very important model for us to show our children.

And so just modeling that something that I'm grateful for today, and right now it's actually to be with you guys for you guys taking the time to be here.

So part of that is modeling. So concept number one is we need to model gratitude so they witness and see that expression of gratitude because we as a culture have so much in the history of the world, we probably have more opportunity, more food. We have so much to be grateful for.

And I think that, so that modeling is one, but also in the expression at, at the dinner table is everybody getting a turn. So now they are being listened to of something that they are grateful for that happened during the day.

Now the other part of that is if you're taking time to have dinner with your children, you might actually be outta the ordinary. So many families today are not having meals together. So one of the things we might back up to do is make sure that we're creating family rituals or patterns that are helpful in human connection.

If we want a society that's strong, we have to create experiences where we're connecting and bonding. So part of that, again, is modeling those behaviors. So our children recognize that we are grateful for, we're inviting them to find out and think about what they're grateful for.

And then if we really wanted to take it to the next level, we might follow Dr. Martin Seligman's suggestion. And that is every day to identify something that you're grateful for and why you're grateful for or why it happened.

That process can increase your level of happiness over time. So that's where I would start, uh, with that question. And I appreciate that question. I think it's a really important one for us.

Important: The use of parentguidance.local/ and the content on this website does not form a therapist/patient relationship with any clinician or coach.

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Dr. Kevin Skinner