And finally our last question.
How do you help a child with high anxiety through a difficult divorce?
Sometimes children do not have the language to express what they feel. During a divorce, they may feel torn or as if they have to choose between parents. Ultimately, we want children to know they are loved, that they matter, and that both parents still care for them despite the divorce.
We also want to avoid making them feel like they must choose allegiances or pick a side. Children need to feel comfortable and safe in our presence and in our home. As home environments change, we avoid speaking negatively about the other parent.
During a high-conflict divorce, anxious children need us to model how to relax the mind and body. We practice with them, and we allow ourselves to be vulnerable: “This has been hard for all of us.” Parents can acknowledge the difficulty while reassuring the child they’re loved and important.
We might say:
“When I feel stressed, I take deep breaths and try to relax my body because this has been stressful for all of us. Would you like to do a breathing exercise with me? Go for a walk? Listen to relaxing music?”
By doing this, we model calming behaviors and help the child regulate their anxiety.
Remember: anxiety means the child does not feel safe. Our goal is to help them feel safe with us and recognize, “I’m going to be okay.” That’s when they begin shifting from heightened anxiety into a sense of safety.
Additionally, positive peer interaction—friends, sports, activities, skill-building—can give healthy distractions and help reduce anxiety. These activities help counter the fears and tension children feel during a divorce.
This is not an easy situation, but with intentional effort, parents can effectively help children even when words are limited—teaching them how to relax the body and practicing those skills together.
