Whether it’s elementary, middle, junior high, or high school, there’s often a similar theme: “I don’t want to go. I don’t like others.” There’s always a story behind that. As a professional, I always ask—what’s the story behind this?
There’s a reason why a child doesn’t want to go to school. The goal is to help them open up and share their fears, concerns, and reasons. Every child’s experience is unique, so it’s important to listen to their why. However, children often don’t like to talk about these things.
Sometimes, the reluctance to attend school stems from anxiety, fear, or apprehension. We have to pause and ask: What is my child experiencing? Have they had a difficult experience with peers or teachers? Did the transition from one teacher in elementary school to multiple teachers in middle school overwhelm them?
Parents often wonder whether to force their child to attend school or to hold back. It’s not an easy answer. We have to ask questions, understand what’s behind the anxiety, and look at whether it’s tied to bullying, fear of leaving home, or something else.
If bullying is the issue, address it directly. If it’s anxiety—especially social anxiety—then professional help may be needed. Parents can also help by creating safe opportunities for peer connection, such as inviting friends over for a pizza or pool party. Social connection helps reduce anxiety and builds motivation to attend school.
Friendships are often a stronger motivator than parental insistence. When children feel connected, they’re more likely to want to go. Bringing in teachers, school counselors, and professional therapists can also be helpful, especially if anxiety is high.
For middle schoolers, play therapy or sand tray therapy may be more effective than traditional talk therapy because it allows children to express emotions through play.
Ultimately, the key is understanding the story behind a child’s reluctance, showing empathy, and providing both emotional and professional support.
