My child is heading off to college
and I can't stop crying.
Am I messing up the experience
for my child who's leaving the nest?
Wow. Um, this question is so real, right?
Uh, in my life, uh, having eight children, we've sent,
uh, six oh to college.
And, and, uh, so the tears, let me just say yes
and yes, and I get it right?
I get it. Uh,
I don't know if you're necessarily messing it up.
I would step back
and say, what is my child picking up from me?
Uh, that I love them? Are they picking up something else?
So what, how is your child interpreting
what your emotions are?
Uh, uh, and then I would invite you to think about
what those emotions are for you.
What are those tears? What do they represent?
See, and what you begin to understand is, I'm,
I'm crying, but why am I crying?
Because I'm, I'm, I love my child.
What do you want to create
with your child before they leave?
That's question number one. So what?
Think about what I want to do with them
before they leave positive experiences,
but also realize that your child, yes,
they're gonna be pulling away in their way
because they need to start forming even
more their own identity.
Yes, they've been doing that through high school,
but now it's this official time where, uh, a friend
of mine said, you know, there's like spreading their
weaknesses and they're learning to fly.
Well, if you've taught them true principles
and you've taught them how to work hard
and you've taught them that they're loved,
then your child's going to go out there
and they're going to thrive
because they've learned how to work.
They know that they're loved,
and they always have a safe place to come back to.
So give yourself a pat on the back.
Your child has a connection with you.
I'm gonna assume that because
you're sad that they're living.
Some parents are like, I can't wait
till they're out of the home.
Right? But that's not you.
You're that parent who says, I, I I'm gonna miss this child,
which is actually a grieving process,
and we have to honor that grieving process.
It's real, it's absolutely real.
But your child is still alive. Your child is still there.
Your child will probably still text you messages.
And when they go on those dates
or they have a fun time, you might be that first person
that they send a message to and say, Hey, mom, dad,
and you celebrate those victories
because you want them to be strong as they leave.
And so one of the underlying messages do you wanna
send to them is, yeah, it's hard.
And yes, I'm crying because, you know, mom
or you know, dad, yes, I'm,
it's really about love.
And, and what I'm trying
to show you is I am gonna be sad when you leave,
but I'm all gonna be okay
because I know you've been taught well and I believe in you.
And so you wanna send that message with confidence
and belief in them and,
and letting them know that they are loved, they're loved,
and, uh, that that's what your tears are about.
So I'm grateful for parents who love their children
that way.
