Our next question says, tips on how to co-parent with a difficult spouse who makes you feel crazy and twists everything around.
Ooh, now you're asking a really difficult question. Part of that is, if they're twisting what you're doing, they're probably going to turn your child to their favor. They're going to maybe taint the child's perception of you.
So, my best advice in a situation like this—and I tell this to every parent—is usually not wise to talk negatively about the other parent. It's more helpful to show them love. And when something is off, maybe in the other parent's approach, in a kind way, say, "You know, we disagree on how to deal with this issue. I want you to know that that's normal in life and in parenting and in marriage. We have differences of opinion. I wouldn't quite say it or do it that way, but I want you to know that differences are going to happen throughout your life."
I care about you. We care about you. So we're setting a table for, yes, we're going to have differences, but we're also creating an environment where your child feels heard. So maybe it's asking them questions like, "I know that there's some differences here. What does that feel like for you? What are you experiencing?"
Because the, as you say, a difficult parent is going to twist or change things that you're saying. The hardship of that is that they are turning that child into a person who has to make a decision. "Is mom telling the truth? Is dad telling the truth? Who’s telling the truth?"
Love is the best gift you give to your child there. "I love you and I, again, we're gonna have these differences, but that doesn't change my love for you. And you can come to me with any concerns you have. I'm not gonna talk negatively or bad about the other parent."
Because I want you to know that we're gonna have differences. And I still respect these differences, but I don't want to talk negatively. And what you're doing is you're modeling: I'm not gonna put down this other parent. And that then puts them in a situation where they realize, "Wait, mom or dad is creating an environment where I can talk with them and I don't feel judged. I don’t feel like I’m being told ‘You gotta do this,’ or ‘You gotta do that.’"
Because generally speaking, a parent who twists your words with you will probably do so with the children as well. This is a difficult one. There's nothing easy about this. And we could go on and on with potential responses here because the challenge of this is when one person twists what's being said, who's true, what's true, and that's where a child gets really confused. "Can I trust mom? Can I trust dad?"
And that's why creating the most loving environment you can, where when they're around you, it's positive and you’re doing positive things—you're productive, you're doing good things—that’s where children normally gravitate to. Children normally gravitate to positivity. And that's the environment you're trying to create.
Dr. Skinner, thank you so much. We're almost at the top of the hour. Dr. Skinner, final thoughts?
Just thanks for showing up. Thanks for being here. May you be blessed in your pursuit of joy and happiness.
Yes, thank you for being here, everybody. I hope you're having a fun summer. Take care. Bye now.
