What’s the best way to handle a child who cuts themselves?
This is a very scary situation for most parents. If your child is cutting, it’s natural to wonder: does this mean they’re suicidal? How should I understand this?
The first thing to recognize is that most teenagers—and even adults—who engage in cutting are experiencing tremendous emotional pain. There is often a high level of anxiety involved.
In many cases, cutting is a way the body tries to cope with that anxiety. It can temporarily relieve emotional distress by shifting it into a physical sensation. Some individuals even experience a brief chemical release or “rush,” which can numb their emotional pain for a short time.
It’s important to understand that most people who cut are not trying to end their lives. More often, they are trying to manage overwhelming anxiety. That distinction matters.
So the next question becomes: how do we help them regulate that anxiety?
One helpful approach is teaching the body how to calm itself. This involves activating the vagus nerve, which helps regulate the connection between the brain and the body and acts like a “brake” for anxiety.
A simple method sometimes referred to as “The Basic Exercise” involves gently turning the head to the right and left and holding those positions until a natural response like a yawn or swallow occurs. This can help activate the body’s calming system.
Practicing techniques like this regularly can help your child feel more grounded, relaxed, and in control of their emotions.
Think of anxiety like a thermostat turned up too high. Our goal is to help turn it down to a more manageable level so your child doesn’t feel overwhelmed.
Ultimately, we want to teach skills that help regulate emotions and reduce the urge to cope through self-harm.
It’s also important to educate yourself, seek out resources, and, if the behavior continues, involve a qualified mental health professional. Professional support can ensure your child receives the tools and care they need.
Most importantly, approach your child with compassion and understanding. They are not trying to hurt you—they are trying to cope with something that feels overwhelming.
