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What’s the Best Way to Teach Younger Siblings to Stop Fighting and Start Sharing?

- User Submitted

I have smaller children who are siblings, and they fight all the time. What is the best way to teach them to not hit each other and share?

Okay, so this is a very interesting one because children respond with what they can get away with. And when they get away with it, sometimes they get energy from it or attention. Three-year-olds don’t have conversations and don't always understand concepts like "we don’t hit." We can teach them that behavior isn’t okay through consistency. Around age three, children begin showing defiance, and it’s normal for them to push boundaries.

In this situation, I’d suggest providing extra TLC. Pick up the child, play a game, or distract them, and invite them to give a hug. Help them understand that "we don’t hit in our home; we love in our home." Encourage them to come to you when they're mad or frustrated, and offer an alternative like playing a game. Even though they may still be defiant, it’s important to consistently teach them what’s acceptable behavior.

The goal is to help them understand that hitting, punching, or pulling hair isn’t okay. Instead, provide positive reinforcement by distracting them from the unhealthy behavior and guiding them toward positive actions like playing games and being kind. Positive reinforcement, rather than punishment, is often more effective in changing behavior. Avoid giving attention to negative behavior by yelling and instead focus on instructing them about appropriate behavior in your home.

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Picture of Dr. Kevin Skinner

Dr. Kevin Skinner