Video Transcript
Grandparents and kin can embrace the sudden transition of becoming primary caregivers.
I’m not sure that you can embrace it—I’m just going to say that right now. But I think there’s a way you can learn to navigate and hold space and create a safe environment for you and your children.
One of the first things is just acknowledging the loss that you’ve experienced and that you’re experiencing, and also the loss that the children are experiencing. Everything is new. Not only is their environment changing from where they lived, but so is yours, and you’re creating a new environment.
So, start really simple—doing things like, “What’s going to be our routine today?” Depending on the age of the child, especially younger children, you want to have consistent routines and things they can count on. Many of these kids have seen things they shouldn’t have and have been exposed to chaotic, scary, even life-threatening environments. They need to come into a place where they know they can count on stability.
Routine is really important—things like eating meals at a certain time, going to school at a regular time, playing with other children their age, or even attending church or being part of other organizations or sports. You can’t do it all at once, but in the very beginning, just ask: “What’s going to be our routine for the next week?” Depending on their age, the kids can even help plan it. Ask them, “What can we do, and how can we do this?”
The hardest part is going to be establishing family rules—and sticking to them. You might be feeling some guilt, especially if it’s your grandchild, and that’s important to acknowledge and possibly get help with. That guilt can make you want to give them everything they want. But you’re not used to being the parent—you’re used to being the grandparent.
You need to shift gears and ask yourself, “Am I the parent now, or am I the grandparent?” Being able to go back and forth between those roles is key. If you know where you are—and that’s the whole idea of getting your bearings—the children will understand that as well. You can even communicate that out loud to them.
It’s going to be hard, but it’s doable.
