Does Exposing A Timid Child To Their Fears Hurt Or Help Them?

We had this question come in prior to our session today: Does exposing a timid child to their fears hurt or help? This person is specifically talking about loud or crowded social situations. If it’s a loud or crowded situation, that can be sensory overload for a child. When a child experiences sensory overload, they typically want to pull back because it’s too much information—too much data. In situations like this, it’s important to be cautious about putting a child in an environment that overwhelms their sensory input. Overload can shut them down, causing them to pull back, and this may even lead to what some call social anxiety. Social anxiety builds on itself: “I don’t fit,” “I’m not like others,” and so on. This narrative can cause a child to withdraw more because they don’t feel like they belong. When it’s too noisy or overstimulating, it becomes too much. It’s appropriate to understand what our child can handle and, in some cases, encourage them to face mild discomfort when possible. But at the same time, recognize when it’s too much for them, and respect that. Balance is key. If a child is constantly overwhelmed, it’s important to implement soothing strategies. One helpful approach is rooted in polyvagal theory, which helps activate the vagus nerve—a calming nerve that relaxes the body. The vagus nerve plays a key role in the autonomic nervous system, which includes the fight-or-flight response. If a child is in sensory overload, they will often go into “flee” mode because they don’t feel safe. A core principle here is: Human connection occurs when we feel safe. If a child doesn’t feel safe, they’ll naturally pull back. Creating safety is crucial, especially in overwhelming environments. That’s when you’ll see better outcomes. To help a child calm down, you can use strategies that activate the vagus nerve. One commonly used method is called “The Basic Exercise.” If you search for “The Basic Exercise” online, you’ll find it’s a simple, 2- to 3-minute practice that can help access the vagus nerve and calm the mind. This strategy can be highly effective for kids dealing with sensory overload.