Let's take it to this question.
Lots of times I can tell there is something wrong in my teen's life and they refuse to share what's going on. How can I support them, but also get them to open up and talk about it?
I think that is probably one of the more common questions that we get is, I've got a teenager, and what we know about teenagers is they like one or one word answers. It's usually yes, no good. It's one word answer one word. One word. So that's a common trait of adolescents in the first place.
So I like the question here, how do I get my child to open up? I'm gonna go back to the, uh, example of, of creating a safe environment. So our children need to feel safe in our presence. But there are times where our children, uh, they might be frustrated, they might be concerned, they might feel some guilt by their own behaviors. They have secrets, they don't wanna talk about it. So that's one thing that may be a possibility is they just don't wanna talk about things.
Well, usually when they don't wanna talk about things, it's because there's something happening that's wrong. So as a parent, you have an approach, you can ignore it or you can lean into it. And if you lean into it, maybe it might sound something like this. You know, I've observed lately that maybe our communication hasn't been going very well. We haven't had a lot of openness, and I'm wondering if I've done something that has offended you. Now, what you've done there is you're disarming them. I, I wonder if I've done something that has offended you. 'Cause I, I, I'd like, I'd like to have more meaningful conversation when we talk. I, I feel like there's something going on.
Oh, no, I'm fine mom. I'm fine, dad. Okay.
I, I hear you saying you're fine, but it, it doesn't, it doesn't feel that way. Am I, am I missing something? No, I'm fine. Okay. I'm gonna honor that right now. But then I would follow that up with even a statement like this. Just know that I care about you and I would like to understand more of what's happening in your world, some of the challenges that you're going through, and some of the good things. Like what's the best thing going on in your life right now?
Now notice the direction. What's the best thing? I'm actually taking it away from my concern, and I'm just trying to get to know my child. And that's one of the core things. So trying to get to that space where I can get 'em to be open, where I can express my, my, I, I don't know, but I'm going a direction. Good. What's the hardest thing you're going through right now? What's the most difficult thing you're going through? And, and so those are the types of conversations that we want to have.
And if we do that, then the child or child feels like we're not forcing it, but we care. And if they don't want to and they shut down, just know. I might say to them, just know that I'm here, that you matter. And if I do that enough, there may be a time where my child begins to open up because they realize I care.
If I try to force my child to talk, they're gonna shut down more or they're gonna be resentful. I don't wanna talk. And they storm off and go to their room.
Hey, I just want you to know that I'm here. I care and I'd love to talk with you because you matter to me and I love you. And I know that we may have had some rough spots, but just know that I care. And those reparative attempts matter. They really do matter. And, and so I would try to lean into those things.
