How Do I Work With Children Who Are Avoiding Tasks?

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So now I'm actually throwing a temper tan. 'cause I don't wanna do the homework. That's what you're saying, right? So, so there's two or three different things here. Um, I don't know anybody who likes to do homework. Did you guys ever like to do homework? I don't think so. Right. Most of us are, ah, not, not me. I didn't like doing homework, so, so it's a natural behavior. I don't like doing the homework. So the, the two or three different approaches here, one is when you get your homework, you and I can do x, y, z, may as a reward. We could go get an ice cream, uh, that's a positive reward, or we can just expect them to do something. And then, uh, maybe we'll spend time doing something as a family. Or maybe better yet, maybe we could stop and say, it feels to me like the re homework that you're trying to work on is really hard right now. And help me understand what you're experiencing as you're trying to do the homework. Do you think you, you can understand it? Do you think you can do it? Or is it something that you feel is overwhelming to you? So now we're actually helping the child give a language to what the experience is because again, I gotta, we have to remember that most children don't like doing homework. So they're gonna res, you know, they're gonna put a s**t off. They're gonna try to find an excuse. Sometimes you might just need to be in the same room with them and say, okay, let's, let's just, I'll be doing something. So maybe you are doing something that's modeling for them that you're doing something hard as well. Recently we've been doing this with one of our daughters, excuse me. Uh, because she's had some, uh, physical challenges. She had a, uh, a tumor on her pituitary. And so it's been harder for her to come back after surgery and really focus. And so we as a family have collectively, we, we sometimes sit in the same room with her and when she's struggling we offer emotional support. And sometimes that kind of being with them allows them to feel like they're not so alone. The other thing that we've tried to do is get friends in the class so that they could study together and they could do their homework, talking back and forth. So find different solutions that can, uh, maybe, uh, fit with your child that may be effective as I really like the latter one. The reason why is because if they're doing something socially, they're more motivated, they're more likely to remember and that helps them get it done because they have that social expectation and they're gonna work together. So you can try to be creative in those two ways, being with them or offering some kind of social support as they do their homework together. That's something that my wife has really been trying to emphasize with our daughter, is just doing homework with her classmates so she can have the social part of it and the connection and get it done.

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Dr. Kevin Skinner