Here's another question.
How do you deal with a child that constantly thinks the world is against them?
They say, I am picking on them when I'm really just trying to hold them accountable.
Um, I'm gonna be curious here, and I'm going to invite the parent to be curious.
So there are times when, those types of statements you're picking on me would be a question like, help me understand what it is that I said that makes you feel like I'm picking on you. I'm trying to, I don't want to be that way.
So help, would you help me understand what it was that made you feel that way?
So go get more data and, and what the reason why this is so important is if I say to my child, I'm not picking on you.
Does the child hear that? Or they're like, oh, you're not even listening to me.
So a natural response would be to defend ourselves. I'm not picking on you. I didn't mean that you're taking it the wrong way. Whatever that is, in contrast with, help me understand what it was that I said that made you feel like I was picking on you.
'Cause that's not my intent. I don't want to be that.
Well, you just did. Well, what was it that I did? Help me understand.
And now you're looking for evidence. You're looking for ideas, and you're helping your child speak to what their experience is.
Sometimes it's a broad brush, you don't love me.
Are you gonna talk your child out of that statement?
You don't love me? Probably not.
But in contrast with, well, that is you really feel like I don't love you.
Could you help me understand what it is that I'm doing that makes you feel like I don't love you?
And now notice I'm giving them the opportunity to speak.
And what you're doing is, a good friend of mine, Ken Petty, he said, you're unlayering this onion, this perception of what's going on.
And the more curious, the more questions, the more you would listen intently, the more likely your child is to open up and talk with you because you're unlayering your child's perception of what's actually going on by asking questions, being curious, listening intently, not getting defensive.
You're giving the conversation opportunity to blossom.
And that's what I would try to do in that situation.
