How Do I Help My Kid Put in the Effort to Achieve the Results?

My child wants to be, uh, wants grandiose opportunities like Harvard or a 36 on the ACT. He isn't realistic with the effort he puts in. Is this a trend? How can I help my kid put in the effort to get the result? You know, that is a lovely question. So my first suggestion there is, I, I know right now there's not the effort, but there's an interesting opportunity. So you're saying to me, you, these are, this is your goal. I would you do me a favor and I want you to think about what it would take to get it a 36 on the ACT. In fact, what if we both went and we tried to find somebody who has either gone to Harvard or gone to got a 36 and talk with us about their effort, what it took to get there? Because I would, if that's what you wanna do, I wanna support you a hundred percent, but let's find somebody who's done that to see if they liked it. And then let's see what it takes to get a 36. Right? So let's talk with individuals. Let's find individuals. I'll do a little bit of research, see if you, you can talk around and, and would that be okay if we talked about it? So now we're actually looking at what would it take, and we're starting to create a scenario where we might actually have a conversation with somebody who's actually been to Harvard or they've gotten to 36. I remember in high school being very intimidated by one of my pro, my high school teachers. He had gone to Harvard and he was my English teacher. And I, I was like, I, I mean, I, I obviously was, I mean, I was a growing student who really had a hard time putting two sentences together. But one of the interesting things I found is, is that that mindset was overwhelming. This child is not overwhelmed by that opportunity. So let's talk about it. Let's get some realistic and what kind of effort did they put in? And then let's start looking at, okay, let's take, you know, again, I don't know how old this child is, but you can take practice tests just to give them a feel of what it's like. So if this is your goal, I'll support you. Do you want tutors do? Right? What would you like to do to put in that effort? Effort? And sometimes when you start having that real, uh, like I said, real brass tacks, you know, rubber meets the road conversations. And then it really does get them to think more about it. Now, contrast that where we're actually learning and we're encouraging in contrast with, look, you don't put in enough effort. You, right? I mean, clearly you're not putting in enough effort. If you wanna go to Harvard, you're gonna have to do so much more. That's not brainstorming with them. That's putting up the mirror in front of them saying, I don't think you can contrast that with the alternative saying, well, let's figure this out. I know it's not gonna be easy. And now we're talking what's called a growth mindset. A growth mindset is if we work hard enough, we usually get pretty positive outcomes. And if that's what you want, let's see what we can do. Now, that may not ever be something that they achieve, but what they do know is that as they went through that phase, you were there with them and they realized you were trying to help them reach a goal. Even if they later choose not to do the work, they know that you were there supporting them along that desired path. One of the interesting things that my wife's father, he would often say, look, you can be anything you want to be. Whatever. You go to college, you choose whatever you want to do. You can do whatever you want to do. That belief, he said, I believe you could be the CEO of General Motors or a big company if you want. Now, that kind of a belief instilled something in my wife that there aren't necessarily boundaries. If I want something, I can pursue it. She graduated in a very difficult degree, and I I, I've always been impressed by a Father-in-Law who gave the vision, right? This is something that you can do. Anyway, so I invite you to think about that part of it. The next part of that is, now what's the work associated with it? Now, I'll give you an example. Uh, I, if I said, Hey, here's a million dollars. Woo hoo, great, fantastic. Then I told you everything you had to do to get that million dollars and we started down that path to earn that million, that million dollars might not be so attractive after I realize all the things I have to do to get there. So Harvard at 36, yeah, that's, that's mentally that's exciting. The work associated with it is what makes the difference between people who become great leaders because they're innovators. They're thinking they're, they're doing that work. And those who think I can't, I want my child to walk out of my home when they leave for the first time and think the world is opportunity field. I get to choose who I'm gonna become.