How Do You Help a Child Who Struggles With Low Self-Esteem?

- User Submitted

We have two questions about self-esteem.

Yeah. So I wanna change a word here for a second because the concept of esteem might be more effective if we looked at it as self-worth.

And I believe that all of us are of infinite worth.

So to that child who's not getting noticed for awards, I would actually educate them on this: I want you to understand something. Awards don't define your worth.

Really important concept. Here you are already of infinite worth. No award is going to determine your value and who you are.

You are important, you matter, and you are a blessing in our lives.

So I know you might want that award and that recognition, but I want you to know that in life, if we base our life on awards, we probably will be on a rollercoaster ride that's really hard.

Up and down we go—promotions, jobs, loss, family situations, conflict, tension, love, harmony.

All of life is filled with these ups and downs. And if I feel like my worth is dependent upon your validation, or a teacher recognizing me, or a coach putting me on the basketball team—if my worth is dependent on those things, it's going to be a rollercoaster.

If we could all teach a message that you are of infinite worth and value, and our hope is that we will all contribute to society, the way we contribute is by being kind and caring, being compassionate, and having empathy.

We lift people up.

If we want to teach our children proper self-worth: we already know you're of infinite worth and value.

And the greatest gift you can give to others is to go be a builder. You be a creator, you build people up, you lift people up.

And it's not going to be about the award—it's going to be because you make the school better.

You lift your peers up.

And if you do those things, you won't even care about the awards—but they will come, because you're a builder.

So you teach them to be productive creators.

And when that happens, then you've got a positive outlook.

To the 16-year-old going through puberty and everything that comes with it—that sense of self, peers, the same concept applies.

Teach them they’re of infinite worth and value.

Give them love, give them care, and help them understand that their value is not dependent upon all the outside things at school.

School can be hard, people can be mean, but you matter.

Teach your child that you love them. Recognize that they may need to talk about difficult things because 16-year-olds can be really complex.

They can be treated poorly, made fun of, bullied, mocked, teased—and we can lose our sense of worth.

So we want to be very cautious to listen and help them express what they’re feeling and experiencing in a way where they feel our love and care for them.

And let them know: same concept—we're born with high self-worth.

Sometimes in life, there are experiences that can ding into that sense of worth.

But I want you to know, no matter what happens, you are of infinite worth and value.

Important: The use of parentguidance.local/ and the content on this website does not form a therapist/patient relationship with any clinician or coach.

Answered by:

Picture of Dr. Kevin Skinner

Dr. Kevin Skinner