Como motivar o seu filho

What Motivates Your Child? How to Guide Your Child with Positive Reinforcement

Parents and caregivers want their children to reach their goals and achieve what they want in life. We also want to guide them away from bad behaviors and toward positive ones.

It’s not easy. Sometimes it seems like children aren’t interested in anything. Other times, they’re laser-focused on one task. How does a parent motivate their child? And how do we help them to motivate themselves?

In this article, we’ll share insights from Brett Williams, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explaining some strategies to help motivate children, theories of motivation in psychology, plus practical advice families can use to get started.

There are several positive ways to build motivation:

  • Positive reinforcement
  • Encouraging intrinsic motivation
  • Building resilience


The first step is understanding positive and negative reinforcement’s effect on motivation.

Things That Motivate Your Child: Positive Vs Negative Reinforcement

The main thing that motivates people is to avoid pain and seek pleasure. People like positive reinforcement and don’t like negative reinforcement.

In a real-life example, it might look like this:

If a child does not clean their room, a parent would take away the child’s iPad. That’s negative reinforcement.

But another way to try motivation is: If a child does a good job cleaning their room, they can get extra time with the iPad.

Positive reinforcement does a better job than negative reinforcement in encouraging good behavior, Williams says.

What is Negative Reinforcement?

Negative reinforcement is something meant to discourage unwanted behaviors. It could be a punishment for doing something “wrong” (Legg, 2020). Negative reinforcement strategies can discourage children rather than inspire them.

The most likely outcome from negative reinforcement is that the child will hate whatever the parent is trying to motivate them to do.

The other side of the coin is positive reinforcement.

What is Positive Reinforcement?

Positive reinforcement is when parents reward good behavior consistently and right away. This can encourage children to keep making positive choices.

Williams explains that the good thing about positive reinforcement is that it can inspire children – it has huge power to motivate them.

What are Some Positive Reinforcement Examples?

Positive reinforcement is a type of discipline, but it is discipline that focuses on what is already good in children, writes Beata Souders, giving examples:

  • Recognizing a child’s good behavior
  • Public praise
  • High fives
  • Choice of activities 
  • Increased play time (Souders, 2019)


Positive reinforcement can strengthen and encourage good behavior, so parents should focus on good behavior they want to see more often.

Young children do well with sticker charts. Older children may do well with a token economy, where a token can be earned and exchanged for a bigger reward. Choosing a reward helps children develop a sense of agency and motivation (Morin, 2024).

Understanding Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

Positive and negative reinforcement examples are part of what’s called “extrinsic motivation.” Extrinsic motivation is when someone does something because of a certain outcome. It’s an external reward.

The other type of motivation is intrinsic motivation. This is when someone does something because it’s enjoyable or interesting to them. Think of a child reading a book about dinosaurs because they want to know more about them (Ryan & Deci, 2000).

Children who are intrinsically motivated work on something because they like it. As they get better at it, harder tasks become enjoyable. At this point, learning becomes its own reward (American Psychological Association, 2019).

Find a balance between external rewards and intrinsic motivation, Williams says. The goal is to create enjoyment for doing the job at hand.

Parents can do that by focusing on efforts instead of outcomes. That encourages children to take ownership of their goals, so in this way, parents can help encourage self-motivation.

How to Use Consistency to Build Motivation and Resilience in Children

Consistency is key in raising children. This is also true in helping children build motivation, Williams says. Consistent and quick positive reinforcement maintains a child’s positive behavior, and rewards right after an action are most effective.

Parents should set clear expectations for their children. They also need to support their children along the way. This can help children build resilience and problem-solving skills. 

It’s natural for parents to want to rescue their children from every problem. But when a child stumbles a bit then solves a problem on their own, they grow more confident. This is a good chance to show your child that a failure is an opportunity to learn something. This way, you can help your child build resilience and a successful outlook on life.

Encouraging Self-Motivation and Celebrating Progress

Children can find motivation and succeed in tasks big and small with:

  • Positive reinforcement
  • Building intrinsic motivation
  • And building resilience

Celebrate a child’s progress instead of perfection, Williams says. No one gets everything right the first time. Trying again is a sign of motivation and growth.

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