My daughter is very quick
to cry at the slightest inconvenience.
I feel like her confidence and self-esteem is low,
but she seems reluctant
to redirect her energy despite my efforts. Any insight?
Um, I would really be interested in knowing
how old her daughter is.
Uh, and, and because from a developmental perspective, uh,
uh, quick to tears, uh, teenagers, I'm gonna say
that is, um, almost a,
a a common theme, right?
Teenagers going through puberty, for example.
Uh, I mean, the reality is, is we're more emotional.
We might be more angry, we might be more sensitive.
We might be irritated and
'cause we're learning about this body
and it's, I mean, think about all the hormone changes
that occur as we go through puberty.
And so resistance, defiance, anger, quick
to tears is a very normal thing for a a,
an adolescent going through puberty.
Now, contrast that with way say, a five-year old now,
a five-year old, showing that kind of emotion.
I would want to pause and understand there's
something there.
A five-year old, there's a sensitivity.
I want to pay attention to it.
I want to go to, so to speak, lean into that with him.
So my child's tears,
and I might say, all right,
I might pull out a stuffed animal with them,
and I'd say, I, I want you to, through this stuffed animal,
what do you think this stuffed animal's feeling?
And, and so I might use an external thing
to have them describe what they think an animal is feeling.
So just, just a way
to think about this is, is we wanna do it.
And, and they find with younger children
what they call play therapy.
So it's not direct talk.
Like say, I'm talking with you right here.
I can look at you in the eyes
and face to face, generally speaking, younger children,
adolescents, they don't like eye to eye contact.
That kind of direct communication.
So what they refer to as parallel conversations.
So I'm gonna be better
with a child getting down at their level
or going for a walk with them.
But it's best that we have parallel conversations.
So I think that a critical part
to understand their Michelle is actually
the age of the child.
Because quick to tears, I, again, I think as a child goes
through adolescence and puberty, that quick to tears,
there's gonna be a wide range
of emotional ups and downs with teenagers.
That's, that's, I think everybody who's had teenagers
understands that the one moment they're crying
and the next moment
they're laughing and then they're back to crying.
And that's all within about an hour long.
And, and I'm not trying to make a joke of it.
I'm just simply saying that's common.
I happen to have been through many adolescent girls.
I've got seven daughters and one son.
And I can tell you that that's been part
of our experience, a reality.
And yet when we help them understand
and say that this is, this is normal
and you can talk with us, we're here.
I wanna listen. I wanna understand
because one of the core concepts
that we know is these types of experiences.
They need a voice. In other words, it needs to find a way
to be expressed without judgment.
So the best thing that we can do
as parents is create an environment where children feel safe
to express their underlying emotions,
even when their emotions are like driving a stick shift car.
You all understand if you've driven a standard,
it is herky jerky at best when you're first
learning and you're back and forth.
That's what I compare to adolescent driving
with their emotions.
It's all over. That's okay.
We need to be okay and understand it.
It's okay because we too, were there once.
We might not remember it as well, but that's the truth.
So I would be aware of their emotions.
The rollercoaster, most important,
if I can say one more concept here, the foundation
of all human connection is the principle of safety.
When we feel safe, then we connect.
My invitation is to create a safe environment
where your child's emotions are heard, listened, understood,
validated, so they feel safe coming
to you when they're experiencing these kinds of emotions.
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