[{"id":82416,"date":"2026-04-24T13:06:13","date_gmt":"2026-04-24T19:06:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/parentguidance.org\/?post_type=ask-a-therapist&#038;p=82416"},"modified":"2026-04-24T13:06:20","modified_gmt":"2026-04-24T19:06:20","slug":"is-it-common-for-children-to-want-to-please-both-parents-so-they-tend-to-side-with-the-one-theyre-with","status":"publish","type":"ask-a-therapist","link":"https:\/\/parentguidance.org\/pt\/ask-a-therapist\/is-it-common-for-children-to-want-to-please-both-parents-so-they-tend-to-side-with-the-one-theyre-with\/","title":{"rendered":"\u00c9 comum as crian\u00e7as quererem agradar aos dois pais, pelo que tendem a ficar do lado de quem est\u00e3o no momento?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"82416\" class=\"elementor elementor-82416\" data-elementor-post-type=\"ask-a-therapist\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b97dff1 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"b97dff1\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7a75e0c elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"7a75e0c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;vimeo&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<iframe class=\"elementor-video-iframe\" allowfullscreen allow=\"clipboard-write\" title=\"Leitor de v\u00eddeo do vimeo\" src=\"https:\/\/player.vimeo.com\/video\/1185882503?color&amp;autopause=0&amp;loop=0&amp;muted=0&amp;title=0&amp;portrait=0&amp;byline=0#t=\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a17174a elementor-widget elementor-widget-elementskit-accordion\" data-id=\"a17174a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"elementskit-accordion.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"ekit-wid-con\" >\n        <div class=\"elementskit-accordion accoedion-primary\" id=\"accordion-69eba9d87d043\">\n\n            \n                <div class=\"elementskit-card\">\n                    <div class=\"elementskit-card-header\" id=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\">\n                        <a href=\"#collapse-0f0367469eba9d87d043\" class=\"ekit-accordion--toggler elementskit-btn-link collapsed\" data-ekit-toggle=\"collapse\" data-target=\"#Collapse-0f0367469eba9d87d043\" aria-expanded=\"false\" aria-controls=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba9d87d043\">\n                                                            <div class=\"ekit_accordion_icon_left_group\">\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_normal_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Normal Icon -->\n                                        <i class=\"icon icon-plus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_active_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Active Icon -->\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<i class=\"icon icon-minus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n                                <\/div>\n\n                            \n                            <span class=\"ekit-accordion-title\">Expandir a transcri\u00e7\u00e3o<\/span>\n\n                            \n                                                    <\/a>\n                    <\/div>\n\n                    <div id=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba9d87d043\" class=\"collapse\" aria-labelledby=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\" data-parent=\"#accordion-69eba9d87d043\">\n\n                        <div class=\"elementskit-card-body ekit-accordion--content\">\n                            <p>Is it common for children to want to please both parents, so they tend to side with the one they're with?<\/p><p>Oh, for sure. Because in that moment, the child is responding to the parent they are with. But this can create a situation where the child feels like they have to present two different versions of themselves.<\/p><p>When they\u2019re with one parent, they may agree or align with that parent, and then when they\u2019re with the other, they do the same. Over time, this can feel like developing two identities based on the situation.<\/p><p>Parents are in a position of power, and young children often don\u2019t have the capacity to push back or say no, especially in high-conflict situations. As a result, the child\u2019s voice is often the one that gets lost.<\/p><p>This is why children tend to please the parent they are with\u2014it\u2019s part of the power dynamic. They are trying to maintain connection and avoid conflict in the moment.<\/p><p>In some cases, one parent may try to dominate or even alienate the other parent, which can be very harmful to the child. These situations are complex and often require outside perspective or support to fully understand and address.<\/p>                        <\/div>\n\n                    <\/div>\n\n                <\/div><!-- .elementskit-card END -->\n\n                                        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Kevin Skinner explains that children often try to please both parents, especially in separated or high-conflict situations, which can lead to them presenting different versions of themselves. He highlights the impact of power dynamics and the importance of protecting the child\u2019s voice.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":9841,"featured_media":82418,"menu_order":0,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"iawp_total_views":4},"categories":[318,227,321,230,222],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-82416","ask-a-therapist","type-ask-a-therapist","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ask-a-therapist-live","category-behavior","category-divorce","category-general-self-help","category-parent-support"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Is it common for children to want to please both parents so they tend to side with the one they\u2019re with? - Parent Guidance<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" 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posso ter a certeza de que o meu filho se sente seguro quando est\u00e1 com o meu ex?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"82415\" class=\"elementor elementor-82415\" data-elementor-post-type=\"ask-a-therapist\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b97dff1 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"b97dff1\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7a75e0c elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"7a75e0c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;vimeo&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<iframe class=\"elementor-video-iframe\" allowfullscreen allow=\"clipboard-write\" title=\"Leitor de v\u00eddeo do vimeo\" src=\"https:\/\/player.vimeo.com\/video\/1185882502?color&amp;autopause=0&amp;loop=0&amp;muted=0&amp;title=0&amp;portrait=0&amp;byline=0#t=\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a17174a elementor-widget elementor-widget-elementskit-accordion\" data-id=\"a17174a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"elementskit-accordion.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"ekit-wid-con\" >\n        <div class=\"elementskit-accordion accoedion-primary\" id=\"accordion-69ebabc50a07d\">\n\n            \n                <div class=\"elementskit-card\">\n                    <div class=\"elementskit-card-header\" id=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\">\n                        <a href=\"#collapse-0f0367469ebabc50a07d\" class=\"ekit-accordion--toggler elementskit-btn-link collapsed\" data-ekit-toggle=\"collapse\" data-target=\"#Collapse-0f0367469ebabc50a07d\" aria-expanded=\"false\" aria-controls=\"Collapse-0f0367469ebabc50a07d\">\n                                                            <div class=\"ekit_accordion_icon_left_group\">\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_normal_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Normal Icon -->\n                                        <i class=\"icon icon-plus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_active_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Active Icon -->\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<i class=\"icon icon-minus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n                                <\/div>\n\n                            \n                            <span class=\"ekit-accordion-title\">Expandir a transcri\u00e7\u00e3o<\/span>\n\n                            \n                                                    <\/a>\n                    <\/div>\n\n                    <div id=\"Collapse-0f0367469ebabc50a07d\" class=\"collapse\" aria-labelledby=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\" data-parent=\"#accordion-69ebabc50a07d\">\n\n                        <div class=\"elementskit-card-body ekit-accordion--content\">\n                            <p>First question: Dr. Skinner, I have suspicions that my child doesn't feel completely safe when they're with my ex. How can I know for sure?<\/p><p>There are two things I think of in that situation. First, you need an outside voice. In situations like this, parents are often in conflict, and children can get caught in the middle of what\u2019s happening. In more destructive dynamics, one parent may try to turn the child against the other, creating an environment where the child feels like they have to choose.<\/p><p>When a child feels forced to choose between parents, it can create significant emotional distress. They want acceptance from both parents, and when they feel they can\u2019t have that, it can lead to confusion and even trauma.<\/p><p>That\u2019s why it\u2019s important to involve a neutral third party\u2014someone who can talk with the child and understand what they\u2019re truly experiencing, without being influenced by either parent. When you\u2019re in the middle of conflict, it\u2019s often difficult to see clearly.<\/p><p>One of the most important things I tell parents is to leave children out of the divorce. The more amicable and consistent parents can be, the better the outcome for the child.<\/p><p>Children need to know that the divorce is not their fault. They should not feel caught in the middle, and they need reassurance that both parents still love them. They also need to feel that they are not losing their relationship with either parent.<\/p><p>It\u2019s important to focus on what you can control\u2014providing validation, emotional support, and stability. Keeping consistency in their environment, such as maintaining routines, friendships, and family connections, is also very helpful.<\/p><p>Another concern is when one parent may try to influence or distort the child\u2019s perception of the other parent. If that is happening, it becomes even more important to involve an outside professional who can observe and help clarify what is actually going on.<\/p><p>When conflict between parents escalates, children are usually the ones who suffer the most. So the goal should be to protect the child\u2019s emotional well-being as much as possible.<\/p>                        <\/div>\n\n                    <\/div>\n\n                <\/div><!-- .elementskit-card END -->\n\n                                        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Copy Goes HereDr. Kevin Skinner advises parents concerned about their child\u2019s safety in a co-parenting situation to seek an objective third-party perspective. He emphasizes keeping children out of parental conflict, ensuring they feel loved by both parents, and focusing on stability and emotional support.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":9841,"featured_media":82417,"menu_order":0,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"iawp_total_views":4},"categories":[318,227,321,230,222],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-82415","ask-a-therapist","type-ask-a-therapist","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ask-a-therapist-live","category-behavior","category-divorce","category-general-self-help","category-parent-support"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How can I be sure that my child feels safe when they\u2019re with my Ex? - Parent Guidance<\/title>\n<meta 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s\u00e3o as suas opini\u00f5es sobre capacitar os nossos filhos a defenderem-se?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"82414\" class=\"elementor elementor-82414\" data-elementor-post-type=\"ask-a-therapist\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b97dff1 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"b97dff1\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7a75e0c elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"7a75e0c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;vimeo&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<iframe class=\"elementor-video-iframe\" allowfullscreen allow=\"clipboard-write\" title=\"Leitor de v\u00eddeo do vimeo\" src=\"https:\/\/player.vimeo.com\/video\/1185882555?color&amp;autopause=0&amp;loop=0&amp;muted=0&amp;title=0&amp;portrait=0&amp;byline=0#t=\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a17174a elementor-widget elementor-widget-elementskit-accordion\" data-id=\"a17174a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"elementskit-accordion.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"ekit-wid-con\" >\n        <div class=\"elementskit-accordion accoedion-primary\" id=\"accordion-69eba88ab9c69\">\n\n            \n                <div class=\"elementskit-card\">\n                    <div class=\"elementskit-card-header\" id=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\">\n                        <a href=\"#collapse-0f0367469eba88ab9c69\" class=\"ekit-accordion--toggler elementskit-btn-link collapsed\" data-ekit-toggle=\"collapse\" data-target=\"#Collapse-0f0367469eba88ab9c69\" aria-expanded=\"false\" aria-controls=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba88ab9c69\">\n                                                            <div class=\"ekit_accordion_icon_left_group\">\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_normal_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Normal Icon -->\n                                        <i class=\"icon icon-plus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_active_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Active Icon -->\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<i class=\"icon icon-minus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n                                <\/div>\n\n                            \n                            <span class=\"ekit-accordion-title\">Expandir a transcri\u00e7\u00e3o<\/span>\n\n                            \n                                                    <\/a>\n                    <\/div>\n\n                    <div id=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba88ab9c69\" class=\"collapse\" aria-labelledby=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\" data-parent=\"#accordion-69eba88ab9c69\">\n\n                        <div class=\"elementskit-card-body ekit-accordion--content\">\n                            <p>Next question: What are your thoughts on empowering our children to advocate for themselves?<\/p><p>I like that question a lot because when we work with children, we want them to feel like they have influence\u2014that they have a voice. As parents, one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is helping them understand what they\u2019re feeling and what they\u2019re experiencing.<\/p><p>We can do this by asking thoughtful questions. For example: \u201cWhat was the most interesting thing that happened to you today? What was the most difficult thing? What was the best thing?\u201d And not just their answers, but asking why\u2014why was that difficult? How did you respond? What made that experience meaningful?<\/p><p>What we\u2019re doing is helping our children identify their emotions, understand their thoughts, and learn how to communicate them. The more they practice this, the stronger they become.<\/p><p>Helping children develop an internal voice is key to self-advocacy. When they understand their thoughts and feelings, their confidence increases. That internal clarity helps them speak up when it matters.<\/p><p>You can also practice real-life scenarios with them. For example: \u201cIf something happened at school, like being bullied, what would you want to say or do?\u201d Practicing these situations gives them a reference point so they feel more prepared in the moment.<\/p><p>So, empowering children to advocate for themselves comes from helping them recognize their emotions, understand their experiences, and practice expressing themselves in a safe and supportive environment.<\/p>                        <\/div>\n\n                    <\/div>\n\n                <\/div><!-- .elementskit-card END -->\n\n                                        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Kevin Skinner explains that empowering children to advocate for themselves starts with helping them understand and express their emotions. Through intentional conversations and practice, parents can build their child\u2019s confidence and ability to communicate effectively.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":9841,"featured_media":82419,"menu_order":0,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"iawp_total_views":4},"categories":[318,227,230,222],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-82414","ask-a-therapist","type-ask-a-therapist","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ask-a-therapist-live","category-behavior","category-general-self-help","category-parent-support"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>What are your thoughts on empowering our children to advocate for themselves? - Parent Guidance<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dr. Kevin Skinner shares how to help children build self-advocacy skills by developing emotional awareness, practicing communication, and creating a safe space for expression and confidence.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/parentguidance.org\/pt\/ask-a-therapist\/what-are-your-thoughts-on-empowering-our-children-to-advocate-for-themselves\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"pt_PT\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What are your thoughts on empowering our children to advocate for themselves? - Parent Guidance\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Dr. Kevin Skinner shares how to help children build self-advocacy skills by developing emotional awareness, practicing communication, and creating a safe space for expression and confidence.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" 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a minha filha fica nervosa ou as coisas n\u00e3o correm bem, ela come\u00e7a a esfregar e a co\u00e7ar a pele at\u00e9 se magoar?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"82413\" class=\"elementor elementor-82413\" data-elementor-post-type=\"ask-a-therapist\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b97dff1 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"b97dff1\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7a75e0c elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"7a75e0c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;vimeo&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<iframe class=\"elementor-video-iframe\" allowfullscreen allow=\"clipboard-write\" title=\"Leitor de v\u00eddeo do vimeo\" src=\"https:\/\/player.vimeo.com\/video\/1185882783?color&amp;autopause=0&amp;loop=0&amp;muted=0&amp;title=0&amp;portrait=0&amp;byline=0#t=\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a17174a elementor-widget elementor-widget-elementskit-accordion\" data-id=\"a17174a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"elementskit-accordion.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"ekit-wid-con\" >\n        <div class=\"elementskit-accordion accoedion-primary\" id=\"accordion-69eba4fe98080\">\n\n            \n                <div class=\"elementskit-card\">\n                    <div class=\"elementskit-card-header\" id=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\">\n                        <a href=\"#collapse-0f0367469eba4fe98080\" class=\"ekit-accordion--toggler elementskit-btn-link collapsed\" data-ekit-toggle=\"collapse\" data-target=\"#Collapse-0f0367469eba4fe98080\" aria-expanded=\"false\" aria-controls=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba4fe98080\">\n                                                            <div class=\"ekit_accordion_icon_left_group\">\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_normal_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Normal Icon -->\n                                        <i class=\"icon icon-plus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_active_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Active Icon -->\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<i class=\"icon icon-minus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n                                <\/div>\n\n                            \n                            <span class=\"ekit-accordion-title\">Expandir a transcri\u00e7\u00e3o<\/span>\n\n                            \n                                                    <\/a>\n                    <\/div>\n\n                    <div id=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba4fe98080\" class=\"collapse\" aria-labelledby=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\" data-parent=\"#accordion-69eba4fe98080\">\n\n                        <div class=\"elementskit-card-body ekit-accordion--content\">\n                            <p>When my child gets nervous or things are not going right, she\u2019ll rub and scratch her skin until she breaks the skin. How do I correct this?<\/p><p>In situations like that, it can either be a habit used for comfort or soothing, or it can be tied to internal feelings of anxiety. When individuals feel anxious, behaviors like scratching can become a way to cope with those internal sensations.<\/p><p>There are two main approaches to helping with this. The first is to redirect attention. When your child feels the urge to scratch, you can help them practice doing something different instead. This builds awareness\u2014\u201cI want to do this, but I\u2019m going to choose something else.\u201d Helping them develop alternative strategies is key.<\/p><p>The second approach is to pause and bring awareness to what they\u2019re feeling. You might have them fold their arms, take a few deep breaths, and observe what\u2019s happening inside. Ask questions like, \u201cWhat am I feeling? Why do I want to do this? What do I need right now?\u201d This builds emotional awareness.<\/p><p>Some may wonder why we would focus attention on the feeling instead of distracting from it. The reason is that simply distracting doesn\u2019t make the feeling go away\u2014it just shifts attention. While distraction can be helpful, understanding the feeling can lead to deeper, long-term change.<\/p><p>Research like the marshmallow experiment shows that learning to delay impulses can lead to better outcomes. But those skills can also be taught\u2014children can learn to redirect their attention effectively.<\/p><p>Another powerful approach is helping the child sit with the discomfort briefly and identify what\u2019s going on inside. Are they anxious? Stressed? Bored? Naming the feeling helps them gain control over it rather than feeling controlled by it.<\/p><p>You can even give the urge a simple name, like \u201cthe itch,\u201d to create some distance from it. From there, they can either sit with the feeling or gently redirect their attention.<\/p><p>A combination of awareness and redirection tends to be most effective. The goal is to help the child understand what they\u2019re feeling and develop healthier ways to respond.<\/p>                        <\/div>\n\n                    <\/div>\n\n                <\/div><!-- .elementskit-card END -->\n\n                                        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Kevin Skinner explains that self-scratching behaviors in children are often linked to anxiety or self-soothing habits. He recommends helping children build awareness of their emotions while also teaching alternative coping strategies like redirection and mindful observation.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":9841,"featured_media":82420,"menu_order":0,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"iawp_total_views":4},"categories":[318,227,221,230,222],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-82413","ask-a-therapist","type-ask-a-therapist","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ask-a-therapist-live","category-behavior","category-childdevelopment","category-general-self-help","category-parent-support"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>When my child gets nervous or things are not going right, she\u2019ll rub and scratch her skin until 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\u00e9 a melhor forma de falar com o seu filho quando ele est\u00e1 a ser negativamente influenciado por amigos?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"82411\" class=\"elementor elementor-82411\" data-elementor-post-type=\"ask-a-therapist\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b97dff1 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"b97dff1\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7a75e0c elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"7a75e0c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;vimeo&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<iframe class=\"elementor-video-iframe\" allowfullscreen allow=\"clipboard-write\" title=\"Leitor de v\u00eddeo do vimeo\" src=\"https:\/\/player.vimeo.com\/video\/1185883501?color&amp;autopause=0&amp;loop=0&amp;muted=0&amp;title=0&amp;portrait=0&amp;byline=0#t=\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a17174a elementor-widget elementor-widget-elementskit-accordion\" data-id=\"a17174a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"elementskit-accordion.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"ekit-wid-con\" >\n        <div class=\"elementskit-accordion accoedion-primary\" id=\"accordion-69eba3c36ee46\">\n\n            \n                <div class=\"elementskit-card\">\n                    <div class=\"elementskit-card-header\" id=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\">\n                        <a href=\"#collapse-0f0367469eba3c36ee46\" class=\"ekit-accordion--toggler elementskit-btn-link collapsed\" data-ekit-toggle=\"collapse\" data-target=\"#Collapse-0f0367469eba3c36ee46\" aria-expanded=\"false\" aria-controls=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba3c36ee46\">\n                                                            <div class=\"ekit_accordion_icon_left_group\">\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_normal_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Normal Icon -->\n                                        <i class=\"icon icon-plus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_active_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Active Icon -->\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<i class=\"icon icon-minus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n                                <\/div>\n\n                            \n                            <span class=\"ekit-accordion-title\">Expandir a transcri\u00e7\u00e3o<\/span>\n\n                            \n                                                    <\/a>\n                    <\/div>\n\n                    <div id=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba3c36ee46\" class=\"collapse\" aria-labelledby=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\" data-parent=\"#accordion-69eba3c36ee46\">\n\n                        <div class=\"elementskit-card-body ekit-accordion--content\">\n                            <p>Qual \u00e9 a melhor forma de falar com o seu filho quando ele est\u00e1 a ser negativamente influenciado por amigos?<\/p><p>There is a part of every child that looks for connection. If a child is being negatively influenced by peers, a parent coming down too hard can actually push them further toward those peers. We need to be careful not to create resistance or unintentionally align them against us.<\/p><p>Instead, we want to focus on what we can control\u2014how we interact with our child. Start by observing. The type of negative influence matters. There\u2019s a difference between changes in language and more serious concerns like drugs, alcohol, or risky behavior. We need to identify the level of influence and address it accordingly.<\/p><p>Have conversations that teach your child what\u2019s happening and clearly communicate your family\u2019s expectations. Explain not just what the rules are, but why they exist. Help your child understand your perspective, and also ask them about their experiences with their peers.<\/p><p>It\u2019s important to validate their feelings. Being accepted and feeling like part of a group matters to them because we all long for connection. That desire makes peer influence powerful.<\/p><p>What we want is for our child to feel strong connection at home. When that connection is present, they are more likely to recognize when peer influences are pulling them away from what matters most\u2014healthy relationships and family.<\/p><p>The parent-child relationship is one of the most effective ways to counter negative peer influence. Open, honest, and loving communication is key.<\/p><p>If your child has already aligned strongly with a peer group, it may be more difficult. They may not recognize negative outcomes until later. That\u2019s why consistency, love, and clear guidelines are so important.<\/p><p>Educate them about consequences\u2014legal, emotional, and relational\u2014especially with higher-risk behaviors like substance use. Set boundaries, and when needed, apply consequences.<\/p><p>Consequences should be given with love. For example: \u201cThis behavior is not acceptable, and here are the expectations in our family.\u201d The goal is to protect your child while maintaining connection.<\/p>                        <\/div>\n\n                    <\/div>\n\n                <\/div><!-- .elementskit-card END -->\n\n                                        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Kevin Skinner explains how to address negative peer influence by strengthening the parent-child relationship, communicating expectations with clarity and empathy, and using consistent, loving guidance and boundaries to help children make better choices.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":9841,"featured_media":82422,"menu_order":0,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"iawp_total_views":4},"categories":[318,227,230,222],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-82411","ask-a-therapist","type-ask-a-therapist","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ask-a-therapist-live","category-behavior","category-general-self-help","category-parent-support"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>What is the best way to speak to your child when they are becoming negatively influenced by friends? - Parent Guidance<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dr. Kevin Skinner shares strategies for helping children navigate negative peer influence, emphasizing connection, 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data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"82410\" class=\"elementor elementor-82410\" data-elementor-post-type=\"ask-a-therapist\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b97dff1 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"b97dff1\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7a75e0c elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"7a75e0c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;vimeo&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<iframe class=\"elementor-video-iframe\" allowfullscreen allow=\"clipboard-write\" title=\"Leitor de v\u00eddeo do vimeo\" src=\"https:\/\/player.vimeo.com\/video\/1185883894?color&amp;autopause=0&amp;loop=0&amp;muted=0&amp;title=0&amp;portrait=0&amp;byline=0#t=\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a17174a elementor-widget elementor-widget-elementskit-accordion\" data-id=\"a17174a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"elementskit-accordion.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"ekit-wid-con\" >\n        <div class=\"elementskit-accordion accoedion-primary\" id=\"accordion-69eba303706c0\">\n\n            \n                <div class=\"elementskit-card\">\n                    <div class=\"elementskit-card-header\" id=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\">\n                        <a href=\"#collapse-0f0367469eba303706c0\" class=\"ekit-accordion--toggler elementskit-btn-link collapsed\" data-ekit-toggle=\"collapse\" data-target=\"#Collapse-0f0367469eba303706c0\" aria-expanded=\"false\" aria-controls=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba303706c0\">\n                                                            <div class=\"ekit_accordion_icon_left_group\">\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_normal_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Normal Icon -->\n                                        <i class=\"icon icon-plus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_active_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Active Icon -->\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<i class=\"icon icon-minus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n                                <\/div>\n\n                            \n                            <span class=\"ekit-accordion-title\">Expandir a transcri\u00e7\u00e3o<\/span>\n\n                            \n                                                    <\/a>\n                    <\/div>\n\n                    <div id=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba303706c0\" class=\"collapse\" aria-labelledby=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\" data-parent=\"#accordion-69eba303706c0\">\n\n                        <div class=\"elementskit-card-body ekit-accordion--content\">\n                            <p>Que<\/p><p>This is something I\u2019ve spent a lot of time on over the last 20\u201325 years. In situations like this, the conversation needs to focus on awareness of the impact that this kind of content can have on the mind. So I want to educate my child and help them understand that there are things that can influence and change us.<\/p><p>I might use resources like educational websites or videos to help them understand what this can do to them. In our culture, a lot of people minimize it and say, \u201cIt\u2019s just an adult video,\u201d but it\u2019s more than that. It can affect the body\u2019s natural bonding systems.<\/p><p>Research shows that overexposure can impact a person\u2019s ability to develop meaningful relationships by affecting bonding chemicals like oxytocin and vasopressin. So what I want to do is educate my child without shame\u2014that\u2019s a very important part.<\/p><p>If my child feels shamed or labeled as bad, instead of being taught and guided, that can be harmful. As human beings, we are naturally curious and responsive to sexual content. That curiosity is normal. So I want to approach this with love, education, and understanding.<\/p><p>I want my child to understand what these experiences are doing to their mind and how they can influence behavior, but in a way that is non-shaming, validating, and supportive. That\u2019s when you\u2019ll have the most influence.<\/p><p>If the behavior becomes frequent or habitual, then you may need to increase support\u2014this could include reducing screen time, limiting access, or using filters to make content less accessible.<\/p><p>In today\u2019s world, many children are exposed to this type of content at a very young age\u2014often around age 11\u2014before they are emotionally ready to process it. Early exposure can make it more difficult because of the strong dopamine response it creates.<\/p><p>This isn\u2019t something you can simply talk away, because there are natural biological responses involved. That\u2019s why education, kindness, and healthy boundaries are key.<\/p><p>I\u2019ve heard many stories where parents respond with punishment or shame, telling a child they are \u201cbad.\u201d That\u2019s not helpful. The behavior may be concerning, but it does not define the child.<\/p><p>We have to be careful with our language and communicate in a loving, appropriate way, helping them build personal boundaries and understanding.<\/p>                        <\/div>\n\n                    <\/div>\n\n                <\/div><!-- .elementskit-card END -->\n\n                                        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Kevin Skinner explains how parents should approach conversations with children who view adult content by focusing on education, emotional safety, and avoiding shame. He emphasizes teaching the impact on the brain, normalizing curiosity, and setting healthy boundaries with love and consistency.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":9841,"featured_media":82423,"menu_order":0,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"iawp_total_views":4},"categories":[313,318,227,230,222,219],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-82410","ask-a-therapist","type-ask-a-therapist","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-addiction","category-ask-a-therapist-live","category-behavior","category-general-self-help","category-parent-support","category-technology"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>What steps do you take to talk to a child who sneaks to watch adult videos? - Parent Guidance<\/title>\n<meta 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podemos falar sobre \u2018sextors\u00e3o\u2019 com a nossa filha de 16 anos?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"82409\" class=\"elementor elementor-82409\" data-elementor-post-type=\"ask-a-therapist\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b97dff1 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"b97dff1\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7a75e0c elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"7a75e0c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;vimeo&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<iframe class=\"elementor-video-iframe\" allowfullscreen allow=\"clipboard-write\" title=\"Leitor de v\u00eddeo do vimeo\" src=\"https:\/\/player.vimeo.com\/video\/1185884242?color&amp;autopause=0&amp;loop=0&amp;muted=0&amp;title=0&amp;portrait=0&amp;byline=0#t=\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a17174a elementor-widget elementor-widget-elementskit-accordion\" data-id=\"a17174a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"elementskit-accordion.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"ekit-wid-con\" >\n        <div class=\"elementskit-accordion accoedion-primary\" id=\"accordion-69eba2475f53f\">\n\n            \n                <div class=\"elementskit-card\">\n                    <div class=\"elementskit-card-header\" id=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\">\n                        <a href=\"#collapse-0f0367469eba2475f53f\" class=\"ekit-accordion--toggler elementskit-btn-link collapsed\" data-ekit-toggle=\"collapse\" data-target=\"#Collapse-0f0367469eba2475f53f\" aria-expanded=\"false\" aria-controls=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba2475f53f\">\n                                                            <div class=\"ekit_accordion_icon_left_group\">\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_normal_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Normal Icon -->\n                                        <i class=\"icon icon-plus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_active_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Active Icon -->\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<i class=\"icon icon-minus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n                                <\/div>\n\n                            \n                            <span class=\"ekit-accordion-title\">Expandir a transcri\u00e7\u00e3o<\/span>\n\n                            \n                                                    <\/a>\n                    <\/div>\n\n                    <div id=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba2475f53f\" class=\"collapse\" aria-labelledby=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\" data-parent=\"#accordion-69eba2475f53f\">\n\n                        <div class=\"elementskit-card-body ekit-accordion--content\">\n                            <p>How do we address sextortion with our 16-year-old daughter?<\/p><p>There are two parts to this, and this is a much more difficult situation. In cases like this, you likely need to get an attorney and contact your local police department or police station.<\/p><p>People don\u2019t always like hearing that, but with sextortion, what\u2019s happening is someone is threatening to post images on various platforms. I\u2019ve seen situations like this personally, where a teenager shared that it had happened to them. My response was to go to the police station.<\/p><p>What\u2019s important to understand is that sending nude images of anyone under 18 is illegal because it is considered child pornography. Most people\u2014both teens and adults\u2014don\u2019t fully understand that.<\/p><p>When you go to the police, you explain what has happened. In one case, the guidance was to delete social media accounts like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok to prevent distribution. If those images are shared, that is also illegal.<\/p><p>It\u2019s important to contact platform support and take immediate action. At the same time, you must support your child emotionally. There have been cases where individuals have died by suicide because of situations like this.<\/p><p>Your child needs to feel validated, loved, and supported. They need to know they matter and that you will work through this together. Creating that sense of safety is critical.<\/p><p>Education is also key. I\u2019ve shared real examples with my own children to help them understand that this is happening, sometimes from people in other countries who attempt to extort money by threatening to release images.<\/p><p>We need to educate and inform our children so they understand the risks, and we need to do it in a loving and supportive way.<\/p>                        <\/div>\n\n                    <\/div>\n\n                <\/div><!-- .elementskit-card END -->\n\n                                        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Kevin Skinner addresses the serious issue of sextortion, emphasizing the need for legal involvement, immediate action with authorities and platforms, and strong emotional support for the child. He highlights the importance of education and open communication to help prevent and navigate these situations.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":9841,"featured_media":82424,"menu_order":0,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"iawp_total_views":4},"categories":[318,227,230,222,219,319],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-82409","ask-a-therapist","type-ask-a-therapist","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ask-a-therapist-live","category-behavior","category-general-self-help","category-parent-support","category-technology","category-teen"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How do we address \u2018sextortion\u2019 with our 16-year-old daughter? - Parent Guidance<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" 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gerir o desequil\u00edbrio entre a forma como os meus ex-pais criam e a forma como eu crio?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"82408\" class=\"elementor elementor-82408\" data-elementor-post-type=\"ask-a-therapist\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b97dff1 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"b97dff1\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7a75e0c elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"7a75e0c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;vimeo&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<iframe class=\"elementor-video-iframe\" allowfullscreen allow=\"clipboard-write\" title=\"Leitor de v\u00eddeo do vimeo\" src=\"https:\/\/player.vimeo.com\/video\/1185884244?color&amp;autopause=0&amp;loop=0&amp;muted=0&amp;title=0&amp;portrait=0&amp;byline=0#t=\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a17174a elementor-widget elementor-widget-elementskit-accordion\" data-id=\"a17174a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"elementskit-accordion.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"ekit-wid-con\" >\n        <div class=\"elementskit-accordion accoedion-primary\" id=\"accordion-69eba18b9fa10\">\n\n            \n                <div class=\"elementskit-card\">\n                    <div class=\"elementskit-card-header\" id=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\">\n                        <a href=\"#collapse-0f0367469eba18b9fa10\" class=\"ekit-accordion--toggler elementskit-btn-link collapsed\" data-ekit-toggle=\"collapse\" data-target=\"#Collapse-0f0367469eba18b9fa10\" aria-expanded=\"false\" aria-controls=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba18b9fa10\">\n                                                            <div class=\"ekit_accordion_icon_left_group\">\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_normal_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Normal Icon -->\n                                        <i class=\"icon icon-plus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_active_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Active Icon -->\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<i class=\"icon icon-minus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n                                <\/div>\n\n                            \n                            <span class=\"ekit-accordion-title\">Expandir a transcri\u00e7\u00e3o<\/span>\n\n                            \n                                                    <\/a>\n                    <\/div>\n\n                    <div id=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba18b9fa10\" class=\"collapse\" aria-labelledby=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\" data-parent=\"#accordion-69eba18b9fa10\">\n\n                        <div class=\"elementskit-card-body ekit-accordion--content\">\n                            <p>Como gerir o desequil\u00edbrio entre a forma como os meus ex-pais criam e a forma como eu crio?<\/p><p>In a situation like that, you're probably not going to be able to have influence on what your ex-spouse does. This is just the way it works. When you go through a divorce, you can't influence how the other parent parents.<\/p><p>What you need to do is stay focused on the love, because love is more important than clothes. Love is more important than shoes. Love is more important than devices. Love is more important than your presence, your availability. They know you love them. They know you care about them. It\u2019s going to, long-term, have more influence.<\/p><p>If the children say, \u201cWell, why aren\u2019t we getting clothes?\u201d you can respond, \u201cYou know what? There are things I can\u2019t control. All I can tell you is that I care about you and I love you, and I wish I had those kinds of resources. I don\u2019t have those kinds of resources.\u201d<\/p><p>In some situations, the other parent may be trying to reward or influence behavior, especially if children are choosing not to spend time with them. That dynamic may not feel fair\u2014and it isn\u2019t\u2014but it often reflects deeper relationship challenges.<\/p><p>Again, I can\u2019t emphasize this enough: your presence, your love, and your stability matter most. Don\u2019t speak negatively about the other parent. Let your children observe your consistency. Over time, they will make their own choices.<\/p><p>This is extremely difficult, but your consistency over time will win the day.<\/p>                        <\/div>\n\n                    <\/div>\n\n                <\/div><!-- .elementskit-card END -->\n\n                                        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Kevin Skinner explains that in co-parenting situations, parents cannot control how their ex-partner parents. Instead, he emphasizes focusing on consistent love, presence, and stability, reassuring children despite imbalances, and avoiding negative talk about the other parent to build long-term trust and influence.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":9841,"featured_media":82425,"menu_order":0,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"iawp_total_views":4},"categories":[318,227,321,230,222],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-82408","ask-a-therapist","type-ask-a-therapist","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ask-a-therapist-live","category-behavior","category-divorce","category-general-self-help","category-parent-support"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How do I manage the imbalance between the way my ex parents 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\u00e9 o efeito quando um progenitor se recusa a reconhecer a necessidade de repara\u00e7\u00e3o?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"82407\" class=\"elementor elementor-82407\" data-elementor-post-type=\"ask-a-therapist\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b97dff1 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"b97dff1\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7a75e0c elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"7a75e0c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;vimeo&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<iframe class=\"elementor-video-iframe\" allowfullscreen allow=\"clipboard-write\" title=\"Leitor de v\u00eddeo do vimeo\" src=\"https:\/\/player.vimeo.com\/video\/1185884496?color&amp;autopause=0&amp;loop=0&amp;muted=0&amp;title=0&amp;portrait=0&amp;byline=0#t=\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a17174a elementor-widget elementor-widget-elementskit-accordion\" data-id=\"a17174a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"elementskit-accordion.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"ekit-wid-con\" >\n        <div class=\"elementskit-accordion accoedion-primary\" id=\"accordion-69eba10a44a46\">\n\n            \n                <div class=\"elementskit-card\">\n                    <div class=\"elementskit-card-header\" id=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\">\n                        <a href=\"#collapse-0f0367469eba10a44a46\" class=\"ekit-accordion--toggler elementskit-btn-link collapsed\" data-ekit-toggle=\"collapse\" data-target=\"#Collapse-0f0367469eba10a44a46\" aria-expanded=\"false\" aria-controls=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba10a44a46\">\n                                                            <div class=\"ekit_accordion_icon_left_group\">\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_normal_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Normal Icon -->\n                                        <i class=\"icon icon-plus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_active_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Active Icon -->\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<i class=\"icon icon-minus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n                                <\/div>\n\n                            \n                            <span class=\"ekit-accordion-title\">Expandir a transcri\u00e7\u00e3o<\/span>\n\n                            \n                                                    <\/a>\n                    <\/div>\n\n                    <div id=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba10a44a46\" class=\"collapse\" aria-labelledby=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\" data-parent=\"#accordion-69eba10a44a46\">\n\n                        <div class=\"elementskit-card-body ekit-accordion--content\">\n                            <p>Qual \u00e9 o efeito quando um progenitor se recusa a reconhecer a necessidade de repara\u00e7\u00e3o?<\/p><p>When the parent refuses to recognize there's a need for repair, then if I\u2019m the child, I might not recognize that. If I\u2019m the other parent or if I\u2019m in that situation and they just say, \u201cWell, I didn\u2019t do anything wrong,\u201d the child themselves may give that feedback because the child will naturally pull away, pull back. And that\u2019s probably a natural part of that. A child will naturally pull back\u2014you can\u2019t control that part.<\/p><p>But again, whether they recognize it or not, I\u2019m going to stay present. And if I\u2019m in this relationship and it is my spouse, I might have a heart-to-heart conversation saying, \u201cLook, I just would like you to be aware that this is the feedback I\u2019m getting from our child\u2014this specific child\u2014and I\u2019m putting it out there because I want you to be aware of it. Then I\u2019m going to let you carry how you respond to that, because I don\u2019t want to get in the middle of that. But I just want to tell you what the child has said to me.\u201d<\/p><p>So now I\u2019m doing it in a way that I\u2019m staying out of that dynamic, but I am educating them and saying, \u201cLook, I know you want a relationship.\u201d Usually parents do\u2014they want a positive relationship. \u201cBut the child feels this way, and I\u2019m sharing that with you. And if you\u2019d like to talk with me about that, I\u2019d love to hear what you\u2019re feeling or what you\u2019re experiencing.\u201d<\/p>                        <\/div>\n\n                    <\/div>\n\n                <\/div><!-- .elementskit-card END -->\n\n                                        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Kevin Skinner explains that when a parent refuses to acknowledge the need for emotional repair, children often respond by withdrawing. He emphasizes the importance of staying present and communicating feedback in a neutral, non-confrontational way between parents, allowing awareness without escalating conflict and supporting healthier relationships.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":9841,"featured_media":82426,"menu_order":0,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"iawp_total_views":4},"categories":[318,227,321,230,222],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-82407","ask-a-therapist","type-ask-a-therapist","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ask-a-therapist-live","category-behavior","category-divorce","category-general-self-help","category-parent-support"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>What is the effect when a parent refuses to 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que ponto a desconex\u00e3o, a falta de liga\u00e7\u00e3o e o sentir-se sem prioridade por parte de uma figura parental se tornam prejudiciais \u00e0 sa\u00fade mental e emocional de uma crian\u00e7a?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"82412\" class=\"elementor elementor-82412\" data-elementor-post-type=\"ask-a-therapist\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b97dff1 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"b97dff1\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7a75e0c elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"7a75e0c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;vimeo&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<iframe class=\"elementor-video-iframe\" allowfullscreen allow=\"clipboard-write\" title=\"Leitor de v\u00eddeo do vimeo\" src=\"https:\/\/player.vimeo.com\/video\/1185883020?color&amp;autopause=0&amp;loop=0&amp;muted=0&amp;title=0&amp;portrait=0&amp;byline=0#t=\"><\/iframe>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a17174a elementor-widget elementor-widget-elementskit-accordion\" data-id=\"a17174a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"elementskit-accordion.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"ekit-wid-con\" >\n        <div class=\"elementskit-accordion accoedion-primary\" id=\"accordion-69eba43f13b1a\">\n\n            \n                <div class=\"elementskit-card\">\n                    <div class=\"elementskit-card-header\" id=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\">\n                        <a href=\"#collapse-0f0367469eba43f13b1a\" class=\"ekit-accordion--toggler elementskit-btn-link collapsed\" data-ekit-toggle=\"collapse\" data-target=\"#Collapse-0f0367469eba43f13b1a\" aria-expanded=\"false\" aria-controls=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba43f13b1a\">\n                                                            <div class=\"ekit_accordion_icon_left_group\">\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_normal_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Normal Icon -->\n                                        <i class=\"icon icon-plus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n\n                                    <div class=\"ekit_accordion_active_icon\">\n                                        <!-- Active Icon -->\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<i class=\"icon icon-minus\"><\/i>                                    <\/div>\n                                <\/div>\n\n                            \n                            <span class=\"ekit-accordion-title\">Expandir a transcri\u00e7\u00e3o<\/span>\n\n                            \n                                                    <\/a>\n                    <\/div>\n\n                    <div id=\"Collapse-0f0367469eba43f13b1a\" class=\"collapse\" aria-labelledby=\"primaryHeading-0-a17174a\" data-parent=\"#accordion-69eba43f13b1a\">\n\n                        <div class=\"elementskit-card-body ekit-accordion--content\">\n                            <p>At what point does disconnection, a lack of connection, and feeling unprioritized by a parental figure become detrimental to a child's mental and emotional health?<\/p><p>What\u2019s interesting about that is I\u2019ll give two answers. First, research indicates that when we are disconnected and there is no repair, that\u2019s when problems begin. You can see this illustrated in the \u201cstill face experiment\u201d by Dr. Edward Tronick.<\/p><p>In this experiment, a mother interacts normally with her infant\u2014smiling, engaging, responding. Then suddenly, the mother becomes unresponsive and still-faced. The baby immediately senses the disconnection and tries to re-engage\u2014smiling, pointing, making noises. When the parent does not respond, the baby becomes distressed, turns away, and shows signs of emotional stress, even losing composure.<\/p><p>Even in a short period of time, lack of connection without repair creates distress. When a child feels disconnection and doesn\u2019t know how to repair it\u2014or it isn\u2019t repaired\u2014that\u2019s when long-term issues can develop, such as difficulty trusting others or insecure attachment patterns.<\/p><p>That\u2019s the first part: disconnection becomes harmful when there is no repair.<\/p><p>The second part is that children are incredibly resilient. Even if a primary caregiver is unavailable\u2014due to busyness, personal struggles, or other challenges\u2014a child can still thrive if there is another consistent, loving adult present. This could be a grandparent, teacher, neighbor, or mentor.<\/p><p>What children need most is someone. As has been said, \u201cEveryone needs somebody.\u201d If a child has a person who provides safety, presence, and love, that relationship can help offset other areas of disconnection.<\/p><p>In my clinical work, I often ask people to identify someone who nurtured them. Most can name someone\u2014a parent, grandparent, teacher, or other trusted adult. However, when someone cannot identify anyone, they often struggle more deeply with trust and connection.<\/p><p>Even then, healing is possible. When individuals begin to experience consistent, safe relationships\u2014even later in life\u2014they can start to rebuild trust and connection.<\/p><p>So, it\u2019s not about a specific point in time when harm becomes permanent. What matters most is whether connection and repair are present at some point.<\/p><p>Parents can also repair past disconnection by acknowledging it, taking responsibility, and working to reconnect. That ownership is powerful.<\/p><p>Children are resilient, but they are also vulnerable to unaddressed disconnection. The key is awareness, attunement, and a willingness to repair relationships when breaks occur.<\/p>                        <\/div>\n\n                    <\/div>\n\n                <\/div><!-- .elementskit-card END -->\n\n                                        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Kevin Skinner explains that disconnection becomes harmful when it is not repaired, highlighting research like the \u201cstill face experiment.\u201d He emphasizes both the risks of ongoing disconnection and the resilience of children when at least one consistent, caring relationship is present.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":9841,"featured_media":82421,"menu_order":0,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"iawp_total_views":4},"categories":[318,227,230,222],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-82412","ask-a-therapist","type-ask-a-therapist","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ask-a-therapist-live","category-behavior","category-general-self-help","category-parent-support"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>At what point does disconnection, a lack of connection, and feeling unprioritized by a parental figure become detrimental to a child&#039;s mental and emotional health? 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