Most people can remember days they didn’t want to go to school.
And a child not wanting or even being afraid of going to school is perfectly normal. That’s especially true near the first days of the year, or when starting at a new school. But when is not wanting to go to school normal, and when does it become something else? When does it become school avoidance, something parents should be worried about?
Brett Williams recently led a discussion on school avoidance. Williams is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist.
Identifying and addressing school avoidance early can help prevent possible long-term issues, Williams said.
What is School Avoidance?
School avoidance is sometimes called school refusal. It’s also known as school anxiety or school phobia. And it affects as many as 5 percent of children.
It’s different from truancy. Students who go truant try to hide their absences from parents or caregivers. They usually don’t have emotional difficulties about going to school.
Children who suffer from school avoidance often will refuse to go to school. They may complain of some vague illness. Many have anxiety-like symptoms. Those symptoms could include headaches or stomachaches on school days. They likely won’t have those symptoms on weekends or breaks.
What are Common Signs of School Avoidance?
Williams shared some early warning signs of school avoidance. Parents can see if their child:
- Asks to stay home from school
- Misbehaves before school
- Goes to school but is often tardy
- Sometimes skips or is absent
- Do they have repeated absences
Why Does School Avoidance Happen?
There can be several different causes of school avoidance.
School avoidance is often the result of anxiety. This could include:
- Separation anxiety
- Social anxiety
- Performance anxiety, according to the National Association of School Psychologists.
School avoidance is really avoiding something about school, Williams said.
A child might have had a bad experience with a bully at school. Or they may feel inadequate or overwhelmed.
Another possibility is a medical issue. Parents can see if their child’s behavior aligns with any undiagnosed medical issues, Williams said.
Is it School Anxiety?
According to Williams, more than half of children who refuse school have anxiety. Symptoms usually peak in transitional years. Think kindergarten, start of middle school, or the start of high school. The typical age range for school avoidance is from 10 – 13 years.
School avoidance affects boys and girls equally, Williams said, and isn’t linked to academic or intellectual ability.
How to Help a Child With School Avoidance Anxiety
Effective communication strategies can help parents and children handle school avoidance anxiety. When you talk to a child, how you ask questions is important.
Some questions like “Why don’t you want to go to school” are judgmental. Instead, try open-ended questions that begin with “what,” “why,” or “how.” These types of questions encourage detailed responses, Williams said.
Active listening is key, Williams said. Active listening involves giving full attention to a child.
Why is Active Listening Important?
A child’s responses can give some insight into what may be going on. Sometimes the story is hidden. A child may be having problems with their classmates or teachers.
Parents should listen, focus on their feelings instead of jumping to conclusions. Work to build connections and encourage the child to open up.
Also, know that young children may have trouble expressing themselves verbally. Pay attention to their body language, Williams said.
Strategies and Tips for Parents
Parents can try some other ways to encourage their child to go to school. These can include:
- Set up regular routines at night and morning
- Discussing the child’s avoidance and asking for help from school staff. They can help ease your child while at school
- Talk to the child. Let them know they are heard, but they need to go to school
A step-wise reintroduction to school may be necessary if their anxiety about school is severe. Families can coordinate with school staff and talk with their pediatrician about this approach. This might involve driving by the school one day before returning. The next day, going to school for a half day, and the third day, returning them for a full day of school.
Help Your Child By Building a Supportive Home Environment
A supportive home environment is one way to help a child who has school avoidance. That doesn’t mean parents should let their children stay home from school whenever they ask.
Staying home from school can be very rewarding for a child. But school is vital for learning social situations.
Use your supportive home environment to allow your child to express themselves and be comforted, but remind them they must go to school
Challenges help children grow. School presents its own challenges, and by facing them, children can thrive.
