Effective Strategies for Parents to Recognize and Stop Bullying

Bullying is an age-old problem that keeps showing up in new ways. From the schoolyard to the Internet, bullying is not just “part of growing up.” It can lead to serious mental health and emotional well-being problems for children.

Surveys show that as many as half of all children are bullied at some time during their school years. At least 10 percent are bullied on a regular basis (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 2017). Thirty-seven percent of children between 12 and 17 have been bullied online. Young people who experience bullying are at greater risk for self-harm and suicidal behaviors.

Understanding Bullying

Before we can address bullying, we need to understand what bullying is.

The most basic definition of bullying is a persistent misuse of power. That can lead to harm in individuals or groups. Bullying can be overt, or hidden.

Bullying is not a random act or intimidation, or a one-off event. Bullying isn’t just about a mean person targeting someone. Instead, it’s the persistent, constant, purposeful misuse of power in a relationship.

What are the Different Types of Bullying?

There are three different types of bullying, according to the US Department of Health and Human Services.

1. Verbal bullying:
   Saying or writing mean things. This can be teasing, name-calling, inappropriate comments, or threatening harm.
   
   
2. Social bullying:
   Hurting someone’s reputation or relationships. This includes leaving someone out of things on purpose, telling other children not to be friends with someone, spreading rumors, or embarrassing someone in public.
   
   
3. Physical bullying:
   Hurting a person’s body or possessions. This includes hitting, kicking, tripping, spitting, or breaking someone’s things (“What Is Bullying?” 2023).

What to Know About Bullying Behavior

Bullies typically have low self-esteem, Lopez-Larson said. They have difficulty understanding and caring about the feelings of others. They don’t consider the suffering of their targets. People engage in those bullying behaviors to gain a sense of power and control. That’s because they often feel powerless themselves, she said.

People bully to get what they want and they don’t have the social skills to do that without harming someone else. It can also be a way to establish dominance, according to Psychology Today (2023).

Bullying comes down to wanting to be in charge and have control, Lopez-Larson said.

How to Recognize the Signs of Bullying

Parents who are worried about their child and bullying can keep an eye out for some warning signs. Not all children who are being bullied will display the same signs. These signs might also warn of other problems.
Signs of bullying can include (“Warning Signs” 2021):

• Unexplained injuries
• Lost or damaged clothes, books, or property
• Frequent headaches, stomachaches, or faking illness
• Changes in mood
• Changes in eating habits
• Difficulty sleeping
• Loss of friends or avoiding social situations

It can be tough getting children to talk about bullying. Only about 20 percent of bullying in schools is reported, according to the National Center for Education Statistics (“Get Help Now,” 2022). Children may be afraid of retaliation from their bullies, or they may feel humiliated. Children also might often be afraid of being branded a tattletale.

Bullying Strategies and Resources for Parents

If you see signs of bullying in your child, it’s important to have a direct conversation with them. You could try asking questions like “Is someone bothering you at school?” or “Are you experiencing bullying?” Those are direct questions that can create an opening for conversation, Lopez-Larson said.

There are some strategies parents can take to help children who are being bullied.

• Listen to your child. Make them feel heard and supported
• Make sure they know it’s not their fault
• Build their confidence. This can be by putting them in activities they enjoy and do well in
• Tell them that you believe them and are glad they told you.
• Tell them you will do your best to help

If your child is experiencing bullying at school, parents should start by contacting their child’s teacher, counselor, or principal.

Adults should respond to bullying quickly and consistently. Immediate intervention, separating children involved, and showing respectful behavior can help defuse situations.

Adults should not ignore the problem, question children in front of other kids, or talk to the children involved together (“Get Help Now,” 2022).

To prevent bullying, parents can follow some steps:

• Educate your children about bullying
• Talk openly and frequently to your children
• Help your child be a positive role model
• Help build your child’s self-confidence
• Be a role model
• Be part of their online experience

Bullying is a cycle that can be broken. It takes emotional connection, communication, and positive role models to make that happen. Armed with this knowledge, you and other trusted adults can work to put an end to bullying.