What Can I Do About My Child Who is Good at School, But Challenging at Home?

Why is my child so good at school, but seems to be challenging at home? I, I think that, I'm gonna go back to the, the, that concept of relationships first. I, I wonder about, uh, what the child's looking for or need. So let's put it in the context. A temper tantrum from a child or an adolescent usually is their way of saying, there's something missing in my life. Don't know what it's, but there's something I'm looking for. So maybe they're angry at you. Maybe there's a, a ongoing frustration or a battle or maybe I, again, I don't know the story, but if you were to pause and reflect and say, what is happening in the dynamic between me and my child? Have we been doing this for years? If so, why? And so now we're starting to ask more questions, trying to identify patterns, because typically what we find is we, we argue and fight in patterns and, and so your child may be reflecting something that's going on in their life or something that they've experienced with you that makes them pull back, it makes them angry. The unresolved resentment, again, these are things I'm guessing, I don't know, but I would certainly want to pause and reflect on the patterns of who's doing what in this interaction. So for example, let's say that you ask your child to do something and your child says, no, I'm not. I don't wanna do that. Or they say, sure, I'll do that. And then they ignore you. You come back in and say, Hey, did you do, oh, I forgot. I'll get to it. An hour later, they're still playing their computer on their device. You come in again. Now all of a sudden we've got this pattern where they're not responding. And what you are doing is you're coming in and here I'm asking again. I'm asking again. I'll get to it, I'll get to it, I'll get to it. Now at that point, what does that do to you as a parent? Usually it makes you feel rejected. Like there's something wrong with you and you're frustrated with your child for being disobedient. Now I could put down the, my thumb and say, okay, off the computer, I get out, go and plug it. Now my child's resenting me because I was yelling and upset. Now all of that story, let's just say we changed the dialogue. Alright? Uh, I'm, I need you to help. Let's say it's, uh, do your homework and before you get on the computer, and that's what I need you to do. You can be on the computer after you do your homework and I'd like you to show me your homework when you're done. Now I've just changed an expectation because if I give them, uh, let's say the computer time first, they are now into it. Doing their homework is farther from their mind. They're less likely to want to do it. And so all of a sudden this child who's being good at school comes home and we're in this battle and I'm the bad guy and my child's been resentful. So ultimately what we were trying to do here is we're trying to create the relationship first, have a meaningful dialogue and make sure that our child in our presence knows that we care and love them. I we're way more effective when our children can say, my parents, I know they care about me. I know they love me. That, that gives us more leverage to have expectations.