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我 33 岁的女儿最近带着她的六个孩子搬回来和我一起住，我意识到她根本就不会养育孩子。而且，女儿不工作，还指望我支付所有账单。她甚至不打理家务，也不自己打扫卫生。如果我说了什么她不喜欢的话，她就会威胁我搬出去，不让我见外孙。我一筹莫展，我该怎么办？
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class="ekit-accordion-title">扩展转录</span> </a> </div> <div id="Collapse-0f03674696486201dd70" class="collapse" aria-labelledby="primaryHeading-0-f2241b2" data-parent="#accordion-696486201dd70"> <div class="elementskit-card-body ekit-accordion--content"> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>欢迎收看《家长指南》。我是凯文-斯金纳博士，感谢您抽出时间来提问。你的问题是一个家长的问题，你33岁的女儿和她的六个孩子最近搬回来和你一起住。看起来17岁的孩子辍学了，13岁的孩子在玩电子游戏，9岁的孩子在照看双胞胎，而5岁的孩子，你整天都在工作，而你的女儿却没有，也没有帮你付账单。</p> <p></p> <p>但她不拿东西，而是帮忙照顾房子。而且，如果你提出什么问题，你说她不喜欢，她就威胁说要搬出去，不让你看孙子。你说你一筹莫展，我该怎么办？首先，你承担了巨大的责任或机会。我不知道你想怎么称呼它，和你在一起，和她在一起，和你的孙子们在一起。虽然听起来不错，但这也是一项艰巨的工作。</p> <p></p> <p>你在工作，感觉就像你现在被要求照顾一个七口之家，这可能是，我猜，可能比你的孩子加起来还多。所以，现在你有六个孙子孙女，还有你的女儿，很明显，她的生活中发生了一些事情，让她不再像以前那样生活了。而且，孩子们基本上，在我看来，他们也在跟随妈妈的脚步，封闭起来。</p> <p></p> <p>所以，当我看到这一点时，我在想，如果我是你，我会如何应对？</p> <p></p> <p>首先 我们得和你女儿好好谈谈现在，她可能会搬出去住 但我不认为那会发生 因为她没钱，也不会搬出去住对吗？她不会的，她不可能那么做。顺便说一句，这可能对她更有利，因为她有自己的事情要做，而不是一味地依赖你。但这不是重点也许有这个可能但现在，我要问一个更深层次的问题。她的生活中到底发生了什么，让她到了完全封闭的地步？作为父母，我会问的第一个问题就是：我女儿怎么了？为什么她会完全封闭自己？</p> <p></p> <p>如果你能在这个层面上与她沟通，帮助她感受到被理解，我想你就会有更好的机会影响她的生活。所以，为人父母的第一条通则就是寻求理解。现在，甚至是更小的孩子。对不对？甚至更小的孩子<br />即使是成年人，我们也必须这样做。我们必须理解，当我们理解了，影响就会到来。此时此刻，我的猜测是，17 岁、13 岁的孩子们，他们，他们在寻找指引。他们在寻找方向。他们在寻找一个能指引方向的人，但他们的妈妈现在没有，因为在她的生活中发生了一些事情，可以说把她带走了。</p> <p></p> <p>所以，她没有参与养育孩子的过程。很明显，如果他们整夜不睡，那就没有结构。在有结构和指导的情况下，孩子才能做得最好。一旦你的女儿觉得自己被理解了，你就会和她进行这样的对话。所以，在她，在你，了解了她的经历和理解之后，可能会有这样的对话。你可以这样问她："亲爱的，我很担心孩子们。我不知道发生了什么。这是我观察到的情况。我能如何帮助你，帮助他们？注意，我是在让她帮我解决这个问题 或者我们一起解决这个问题"。因为，我不认为在这种情况下，如果你说 "嘿，我觉得你应该这样做。你应该这样做。你应该这样做。"她是听不进去的我觉得她的生活中发生了一些事情，她被深深地伤害了，所以她需要你的理解。但同时，也要让她觉得你们是一个团队在工作，因为我猜她不会、也不希望她 17 岁的孩子辍学，她也不希望 13 岁的孩子玩游戏，她只是不知道该怎么办，她不希望有更多的冲突。</p> <p></p> <p>因此，这些都是出发点。首先，寻求理解，然后进行对话。我能做些什么来帮助你和孩子们？而且，不要害怕表达你作为慈爱父母的关切，说 "我说这些是因为我在乎。不是因为我想控制你。而是因为我爱你，爱我的孙子们"。感谢您在《家长指南》上提出问题。祝你好运</p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> </div> </div> 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