Question: What are some suggestions for parenting an elementary school-age child and a toddler?
Dr. Kevin Skinner: We have to take them at their age. And this is the hard part because a toddler and an elementary schooler—whatever age they are, second or third grade—they have a little bit different needs.
A toddler is gonna need a little bit more of this touch and more neediness. That’s what toddlers do: they want attention. And so, as a parent, you’re always on demand. I have a daughter with three children five and under—a four-year-old, a two-year-old, and a newborn—and it’s like she’s always "on." What I discovered in observing her, and observing my own wife—I’ve got eight children, so this reminds me a lot of my own life—is that what they still need is individual time with their primary caregivers.
One of the things in a situation like this is understanding the elementary school child’s needs. What are they experiencing? On our website, ParentGuidance.org, we have a course on helping our children at different stages of development. I would encourage you to listen to that—maybe while you're doing the dishes—so you can see some developmental milestones.
Regarding the toddler in particular, usually our attachment style is informed by age three. So, as much healthy connection as possible—recognizing that our child is gonna want play, they’re gonna want our eye contact, they’re gonna want a smile, and they’re gonna want a healthy touch to be cuddled. If we give our children those experiences, then both the toddler and the elementary schooler are gonna feel that connection. That should be our primary goal.
Understand they have different needs. An elementary school child might need a little bit more play with their peers; that means they get together for playtime. Your toddler, not so much, because they do more individual play. Helping your children understand that developmentally, this child’s gonna be a little more needy while this child might do better with friend groups and playing games together, can be very beneficial. You’re helping them develop independently based on where they’re at.
