When my child gets nervous or things are not going right, she’ll rub and scratch her skin until she breaks the skin. How do I correct this?
In situations like that, it can either be a habit used for comfort or soothing, or it can be tied to internal feelings of anxiety. When individuals feel anxious, behaviors like scratching can become a way to cope with those internal sensations.
There are two main approaches to helping with this. The first is to redirect attention. When your child feels the urge to scratch, you can help them practice doing something different instead. This builds awareness—“I want to do this, but I’m going to choose something else.” Helping them develop alternative strategies is key.
The second approach is to pause and bring awareness to what they’re feeling. You might have them fold their arms, take a few deep breaths, and observe what’s happening inside. Ask questions like, “What am I feeling? Why do I want to do this? What do I need right now?” This builds emotional awareness.
Some may wonder why we would focus attention on the feeling instead of distracting from it. The reason is that simply distracting doesn’t make the feeling go away—it just shifts attention. While distraction can be helpful, understanding the feeling can lead to deeper, long-term change.
Research like the marshmallow experiment shows that learning to delay impulses can lead to better outcomes. But those skills can also be taught—children can learn to redirect their attention effectively.
Another powerful approach is helping the child sit with the discomfort briefly and identify what’s going on inside. Are they anxious? Stressed? Bored? Naming the feeling helps them gain control over it rather than feeling controlled by it.
You can even give the urge a simple name, like “the itch,” to create some distance from it. From there, they can either sit with the feeling or gently redirect their attention.
A combination of awareness and redirection tends to be most effective. The goal is to help the child understand what they’re feeling and develop healthier ways to respond.
