Here is another question:
"My adult special needs child spends money immediately and becomes manic. We help him manage his spending better."
I guess I have a question about the manic part of this. Special needs combined with manic behavior makes me think we should ensure there’s proper emotional support and emotional regulation—helping this child learn how to manage emotions. Impulsivity, like immediate spending, is emotional—it’s about intensity.
When I hear “manic,” I do wonder about the possibility of bipolar disorder. I’d recommend starting with a proper assessment for potential mental health concerns, including bipolar. Impulsivity can also be common in children with ADHD, and there is a lot of overlap between ADHD and bipolar symptoms.
Once we have more information, I’d focus on teaching emotional regulation skills. That might include helping them delay spending—similar to the famous marshmallow experiment, where children who delayed gratification had better long-term outcomes. Importantly, research shows this skill can be taught.
Observe how often your child buys something and then regrets it. Use these situations to talk openly about delaying gratification and making more thoughtful choices.
Sometimes children want autonomy, so instead of forbidding purchases, offer alternatives—like waiting a day or two and exploring different options together. Slowing down the decision-making process can increase your influence.
That said, as children grow older, especially in the later teen years, they may resist parental influence. In those cases, a relationship-first approach is often more effective than enforcing strict rules. A friend once told me: “Relationship before rules.” When trust is present, you’re more likely to influence decisions. Rules without relationship often lead to kids finding ways around them.
