Dr. Skinner, we have two questions that relate to gaming and video gaming.
Does it contribute to suicidal ideation and depression? And what do I do if my child wants me to leave them alone while they're playing excessive video games?
Wow, these are really difficult and important questions.
We need to put it in context—video games in and of themselves are not a problem. It's the amount of time and the type of video game that could maybe lead to that. But we couldn't say there's a direct correlation between playing video games and suicidal ideation or suicidal thoughts.
Usually, other factors contribute to suicidal ideation. For example, being bullied, getting behind in school, and feeling like the only thing that matters is this game.
Video games can be designed to create an obsession in the game itself. In fact, many games are designed that way because they want you to come back—there’s a reward, a reward, a reward.
If you look at the work by Anna Lembke, her book Dopamine Nation suggests that we get a dopamine hit and look for the high, which video games can provide.
We want to be aware that they can create a dependency on that dopamine hit. Some people might ask, "Are they addictive?" Well, the need for that dopamine hit could lead to addictive tendencies, but not necessarily suicidal ideation or suicidal thoughts. There are usually other factors involved.
Depression and suicidal thoughts may be a part of that, but I would want more information.
For example, if the child is not on the game, what's their life like? Are they interacting with other family members?
I would also look at their history and connection with others. Have they experienced negative experiences in childhood? Any form of abuse? Are they being bullied or made fun of? Do they feel like they don’t fit in socially?
These are all potential factors that could hinder social connectedness. The game itself might actually be their escape from dealing with bullying or not fitting in.
I would be cautious about saying that a game itself is the problem. The game might actually be a coping mechanism because they don’t know how to deal with the outside world.
Helping your child have a language to express themselves, looking at their experiences, and motivating them is key.
We can develop a dependency on video games because they distract us from life. There’s a concept of a "second life"—living virtually in a facade or a false world rather than engaging in the real world.
There’s a growing trend toward this, and we need to help our children stay connected to the present experience.
Now, the second question looked more at the idea of a child getting angry if they can’t play their game. If that’s happening, I would want to pause and see if we can get some time away from devices.
I might plan a family vacation without devices, where there’s no cellular contact. Creating an environment for a period of time where we can observe and help our child learn about the influence of these games on them is important.
Expressing our concerns with love is crucial.
As parents, we often get into battles over this because we want to educate our children and help them understand the impact of gaming. But they resist because that is their connection. They are bonding with the game.
When we try to disrupt that, we become the "enemy" in their eyes. They have bonded to the game, and now we’re trying to interrupt that, which can cause a lot of resistance.
With love, as parents, we can caution, invite, and create appropriate guidelines or boundaries around device consumption.
If I could give any advice to parents, it would be this:
As we approach these devices with our children, we need to be educators. We need to be informed about what’s happening on these devices, and we must not neglect other opportunities to connect with our children.
Invite them: "I’m going for a walk, would you like to come?" "Do you want to go get some ice cream?" "Do you want to go on a bike ride?" "Do you want to play a game?"
Sometimes, we might even play the game with them just to understand the culture of the game.
The point is to create a human connection with them rather than a virtual connection.
Now, some of these games have phenomenal social interaction opportunities, where friends play together and bond. That can be a great experience—it doesn’t have to be negative.
So again, it’s about understanding what’s happening on these devices.
This is a very important question.
We need to gather more information, understand what’s being done on these devices, educate, inform, and—when appropriate—create boundaries, especially when we recognize that gaming is affecting their physical or mental health.
A few years ago, for example, I had some parents come to my office. They were concerned because they hadn’t realized that their child had basically spent two years in their room, disengaged from real life…
