This next question is about academic stress. How do you help a child who feels stressed due to assignments and grades?
One of the most interesting things is that we are trying to teach our children habits. There is so much pressure in today’s world. I know of children who are not even satisfied if they get an A-minus, or parents who aren’t satisfied if their child gets an A.
It’s important to stop and evaluate the pressure placed on a child to succeed. The competition, money, costs, and expectations of getting into certain prestigious schools can create significant stress. Sometimes we forget that the most important thing is connection.
As educators, teachers, and parents, our primary goal should be to help children develop social skills and habits that support learning. Outcomes will be much more effective and meaningful if they feel encouraged rather than overwhelmed by pressure.
We have to find balance. If the expectation is straight A’s to get into a certain college, that expectation itself may be contributing to the stress. I have eight children, and we’ve sometimes had to slow them down because they were spending too much time on schoolwork. While we don’t want to discourage good grades, we also want them to develop other interests and spend time with family.
We’ve had to tell our children, “You’ve worked hard enough today, and that’s okay.” Sometimes kids compare themselves to their peers and feel like they’re not as smart. But the reality is, there will always be people who are better at certain things—whether it’s academics, sports, music, or art.
We want to teach them what Carol Dweck describes in her book Mindset: the difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset. A growth mindset means putting in effort, doing your best, and understanding that with hard work, you can develop the skills necessary to succeed. A fixed mindset, on the other hand, leads to self-doubt—thinking, “If I don’t get it, there’s something wrong with me.”
Encouraging a growth mindset, effort, diligence, and self-acceptance will lead to much more effective and positive outcomes.
