Our next question is about missing school.
I'm looking for guidance on dealing with a 16-year-old girl that is missing a lot of school due to anxiety. Anxiety also impacts her ability to interact socially, and it's been suggested that she is neurodivergent.
What advice could you give to this family, Dr. Skinner?
So, I think there are two or three things here. The anxiety—you mentioned the neurodivergence. So there might be sensory overload or just too much data or too much information.
In situations like that, I think as a parent, my first goal is to help my child get into healthy patterns and interactions. I would want to check sleep patterns, eating patterns, and regular routines of exercise. And then I would add a fourth, which is human connection.
What we’re doing is focusing on the basics because if those things are happening, then we’re more likely to see our child go to school. But when a child feels overwhelmed with anxiety, the last thing they want to do is enter an environment that is noisy and overstimulating.
We might consult with the school counselor, teachers, and administrators to create a plan that helps our child manage school. If they start feeling overwhelmed in class, they might need a designated place to take a short break from all the noise and information.
So, working with the school to create a strategy, along with involving our 16-year-old daughter in the conversation, is important. We also want to help her regulate difficult emotions.
One helpful approach is understanding the fight-or-flight response. Our autonomic nervous system is always assessing for safety. If a child consistently avoids class, I would want to understand their fears—what worries them about being in school?
I would also teach them about how their body and mind react in stressful settings. Learning to navigate difficult situations is a skill we can help our child develop.
Anxiety is our body’s way of saying, “I don’t feel safe.” It can cause physical symptoms like a racing heart, sweating, or even panic attacks. Many kids experience these feelings, so helping our child understand anxiety is a key step.
By educating them about their body’s response and working with school staff to create a support plan, we can help them feel like they’re not alone.
This multi-pronged approach—understanding their anxiety, having a support system, and creating a game plan—can be very effective.
We want to be aware, attentive, and equip them with skills to manage their emotions. One technique that can help is the Basic Exercise, which activates the vagus nerve. This nerve acts like a “brake” for the nervous system, helping to regulate emotions and reduce anxiety.
These strategies are a great starting point for supporting a child who struggles with anxiety and school attendance.
