We are a close, we are close with another family.
Our families have recently had differences
and emotions are running high.
How do we heal our important friendships
with this other family?
This is an interesting one
because you're, you're talking family.
Um, probably my, my biggest suggestion would be, um, I,
what I refer to as how
to communicate when you don't know what to say.
And it's just a little formula that I put together in terms
of just like, how, how do I,
how do I see this when I, I don't know what to do.
So the first step in this is you,
you probably step back yourself
and identify what you've identified as the core issue.
What, what's actually transpiring between you
and the other family, or your family and the other family.
So the first step is to step back
and evaluate as objectively as possible, how are,
how is our family experiencing this?
How am I experiencing this? And then ask the question.
It's a much more difficult
and important question is what are they experiencing?
What is the other family experiencing that,
that's a different level of thinking, of trying
to put yourself into their shoes, developing empathy
for how they're seeing this.
So my suggestion here is to reflect on,
on those two questions, what is it that I'm experiencing
and what is it that they're experiencing now?
Then other than that, we have the next step
and that is really how do we communicate our desire
with them in a positive way, in a productive way.
And really what I'm looking at here is how do I talk
with them about, I, I want to resolve this.
I don't know what happened to help me understand.
I'm wondering if those types of statements can at least try
to get the conversation going.
And what we're trying to do is get them to open up to see
how they're experiencing this.
So a phrase that we typically use is seek to understand
before you seek to be understood.
So I wanna understand what they're experiencing and,
and that at a certain point there may be a transition
that's interesting 'cause I, we were experiencing this way,
you might find that you were having apples
and oranges conversations.
Now that, again, that's just a possibility.
Now, if there has been something that has been done
that's very offensive, if it's been done by them
or if it's done by someone in your family, then we need
to really address that head on.
If I've done something that's offended you, I need
to be responsible and take accountability.
I realize that when I did X, Y, z, that was not appropriate
or, uh, that that was probably hurtful
for you guys, and I need to apologize.
So again, what's my role and can I communicate hurt
and pain in an appropriate way
as we communicate through this?
So that, that's where I would start with this conversation.
Michelle
Doesn't sound like an an an easy solution,
but definitely worthwhile.
Well, the alternative is to not is for the relationship
or the, a friendship to the die
because we aren't willing to have hard conversations.
Uh, and then when I refer to mental rehearsal,
there's a term that, that's a term I use.
Mental rehearsal is when I practice something.
So when I go into the situation, I feel more comfortable.
I think far too often when I'm in car
conversations are important.
One of the things that we do is we don't practice it in,
in the way, well, what would they,
what would we do if they responded this way?
Or how would we, you know,
say this if they answered this way?
That kind of mental rehearsal can go a long, long way.
But we need to in advance, we need
to think through a scenario.
Okay, what would we do if they responded that way?