Is it common for children to want to please both parents, so they tend to side with the one they're with?
Oh, for sure. Because in that moment, the child is responding to the parent they are with. But this can create a situation where the child feels like they have to present two different versions of themselves.
When they’re with one parent, they may agree or align with that parent, and then when they’re with the other, they do the same. Over time, this can feel like developing two identities based on the situation.
Parents are in a position of power, and young children often don’t have the capacity to push back or say no, especially in high-conflict situations. As a result, the child’s voice is often the one that gets lost.
This is why children tend to please the parent they are with—it’s part of the power dynamic. They are trying to maintain connection and avoid conflict in the moment.
In some cases, one parent may try to dominate or even alienate the other parent, which can be very harmful to the child. These situations are complex and often require outside perspective or support to fully understand and address.
