我如何管理我和我的前任父母在育儿方式上的不平衡？
In a situation like that, you're probably not going to be able to have influence on what your ex-spouse does. This is just the way it works. When you go through a divorce, you can't influence how the other parent parents.
What you need to do is stay focused on the love, because love is more important than clothes. Love is more important than shoes. Love is more important than devices. Love is more important than your presence, your availability. They know you love them. They know you care about them. It’s going to, long-term, have more influence.
If the children say, “Well, why aren’t we getting clothes?” you can respond, “You know what? There are things I can’t control. All I can tell you is that I care about you and I love you, and I wish I had those kinds of resources. I don’t have those kinds of resources.”
In some situations, the other parent may be trying to reward or influence behavior, especially if children are choosing not to spend time with them. That dynamic may not feel fair—and it isn’t—but it often reflects deeper relationship challenges.
Again, I can’t emphasize this enough: your presence, your love, and your stability matter most. Don’t speak negatively about the other parent. Let your children observe your consistency. Over time, they will make their own choices.
This is extremely difficult, but your consistency over time will win the day.
