See this next question. We've got a couple here around the same topic.
So how do I learn to deal with my own anxiety and depression, and how can I keep from losing my patience with my child and maybe yelling or raising my voice at them?
Oh, thank you for asking that question.
I think that it's a really important awareness, because our children are watching our emotions. They're watching us as a model.
As we learn to deal with our own anxiety and depression, I’ll say this in the most basic way:
Anxiety is our body’s way of saying, “I don’t feel safe.”
Depression is a feeling of sadness, darkness, or emptiness.
These can come from not feeling safe, from our physiology or hormones. Not having enough serotonin in our body can influence both anxiety and depression.
So we need to ask: Am I more prone to depression from biology? Does it run in my family? If so, it may be inherited—which is very common.
But we can also be experiencing life events that increase depression—like job loss, a move, or a divorce.
To be effective as parents, we must practice self-care. For some, that could be a short walk. For others, locking the bedroom door to decompress for a few minutes. Or it might be talking to a friend.
One of the core things we need to do is identify what helps soothe us in healthy ways.
If I’m feeling anxious, I’d suggest trying a breathing exercise—specifically box breathing.
You breathe in for a 4–6 count, hold it, then breathe out strongly for 6–8 counts.
We do that for three minutes.
Before starting, notice the stress in your body. Then, after three minutes, check your stress level again.
Most people notice that the breathing helps lower anxiety.
This helps regulate our nervous system—it’s like putting on the brakes.
Anxiety is like pushing on the gas pedal. Breathing helps us push on the brake to calm the mind.
Another strategy is to activate the vagus nerve, which helps calm the body.
That can be music, walking, cuddling with a child, or reading together.
These are ways to self-soothe or co-regulate—where others help us calm down.
If you can identify self-soothing and co-regulation strategies, you’ll do well at managing your emotions.
Now depression is a little different. We have to give it a voice.
I encourage writing down what may be triggering your feelings of depression.
If it doesn’t go away—especially if it lasts longer than two weeks—it’s a good idea to seek professional help and talk it through.
So those are some starting points of where I would begin.
