Here's another question: How do we handle our almost 10-year-old daughter who has repetitive stealing issues without involving the police?
That’s a really important question. First, I’d want to know how long this behavior has been going on. I also wonder if it might be a bid for attention. As a parent, I'd encourage reflecting on the possible reasons behind the stealing. Is it impulsive—"I want this, so I take it"? Or is it more deliberate?
If it's happened more than once, I assume you’ve already had conversations about why stealing is wrong and illegal. One approach is to have her return the item and speak with someone at the business. This might be uncomfortable, but it helps her experience consequences beyond just hearing it from mom or dad. You could even ask the store owner to talk with her, creating an external sense of accountability.
Another (more difficult) approach might involve a sibling taking something of hers. When she says, “That’s mine,” you respond, “Well, it’s theirs now.” This might help her feel what it’s like to have something taken away. It's a way of teaching through empathy, though it’s a tougher route and not always recommended.
Now, another question: How do you present divorce to an 8-year-old and a 9-year-old?
I’d want more details, because young children may not understand what divorce means. Often, they interpret it as, “Mom and Dad don’t love each other anymore.” If they’ve seen conflict, they may not be surprised. If not, they might be completely shocked.
Years ago, I read that children should be told together and in age-appropriate language. A 15-year-old may have lots of questions; an 8-year-old might not know what to ask, so reassurance is key.
Ideally, both parents should tell the children together. If one parent is initiating the divorce, the conversation should still be collaborative. It’s critical that children are not used against the other parent and are never exposed to criticism of the other parent. Doing so forces the child to choose sides, which creates long-term emotional harm.
Tell them: “Mom and Dad aren’t going to be able to make this marriage work, but we both love you very much. That won’t change.” Explain what will happen—who they’ll live with, how things will change—and reassure them they can talk to either parent anytime.
The mature approach is to keep children out of the middle. When kids are caught between parents, it creates emotional strain and confusion. Divorce is never easy. My heart goes out to those going through it. Whether it’s a decision made for safety, wellbeing, or emotional health, it’s always hard. The unknowns and changes affect not only you, but also your children.
