How do I build grit and discipline for a child who wants instant gratification?
This is a great question. Grit is a term that has gained popularity—Angela Duckworth wrote a book called Grit. If we define grit, it’s the willingness to do hard things and the emotional ability to stay engaged when things get difficult—to be resilient and strong.
So if we think about it that way, we want to help our children experience doing hard things. What are the hardest things your child has done? That might include being in a play and memorizing lines, participating in sports like cross country, basketball, or tennis—activities that push them.
For example, my son recently came home from a track workout and said it was the hardest workout he’s ever had. Inside, I was excited, because that kind of physical and mental challenge is exactly how grit is developed.
When teaching grit, we want to involve our children in activities that challenge them—team sports, performing arts, or anything that stretches them. Ideally, these are things they’re motivated to do. Motivation is important because it leads to a sense of reward, but not necessarily an external reward like money or gifts. It’s more about the internal reward they feel from accomplishing something difficult.
We want children to experience small wins—moments where they realize, “That worked,” or “I can do this.” Those small successes build confidence and reinforce effort.
For example, one of my sons had difficulty with hand-eye coordination when he was younger due to vision challenges. Catching a ball was hard for him, so sports were more difficult. But over time, he’s improved, and recently he started playing basketball. As he practices and improves, he’s developing a sense of internal competence—realizing that he can do hard things.
That’s how grit is built: through effort, practice, and support. As parents, we can help by being involved—practicing with them, encouraging them, and modeling persistence.
Role-playing, modeling behavior, and offering encouragement are key ways to help children develop grit and discipline.
