How do you help your child with substance abuse and peer pressure?
Dr. Kevin Skinner:
Let’s begin with substance abuse. It helps to understand which specific substance is involved because each one affects the body differently. For instance, marijuana and alcohol act as depressants, while substances like cocaine, meth, and fentanyl produce different responses.
Understanding the drug in question is critical, especially today, when society is more accepting of substances like marijuana. Yet research shows that marijuana can numb the mind and reduce productivity. So the first step is education—helping our children understand the real consequences of drug use.
As parents, we should aim to educate and inform our kids about how these substances impact their lives. Substance use among adolescents is illegal and typically signals a larger issue. Helping them understand what the drug is doing to their body and how it affects their productivity is important.
When we talk to children and parents, education paired with love is the most effective approach. Warnings and guidance often work better than punishment. While boundaries are sometimes necessary, punishment without love rarely works. There’s a general concept to keep in mind: relationship before rules.
If a child is using substances, it’s essential to understand why. Ask: “What’s going on that’s causing you to turn to this?” Substance use is often an escape. It might start with curiosity but often turns into a way to cope with stress or other difficult emotions.
For example, a teen may smoke marijuana to calm a racing mind. Then the question becomes: “Why is your mind racing?” We need to look beneath the behavior to find the root cause.
Dr. Skinner shares a story of trying to remove a rose bush. Though he thought he removed it, it grew back because the roots were still intact. The same goes for substance use—if we don’t get to the root issue, the behavior often returns.
Our job is to help our children identify what's driving the behavior—whether it’s peer pressure, curiosity, stress, or something else. Then we can guide them toward healthier coping mechanisms.
Ultimately, we must focus on building connection—asking curious questions, setting structure when needed, and not being afraid to have difficult conversations. Research shows that parents who engage in hard conversations with love have more influence on their children's lives.
