Here's another question.
My 20-something child is sharing with me the things that she's taking away from her therapist, that her therapist is telling her, and I don't really agree and I feel frustrated. Is that normal? And what questions can I ask?
Um, I would ask the child the interpretation. This is a 20-year-old, so when this happened, what's your takeaway when this happened? What's your takeaway?
And I might even offer an alternative. If I can have influence, I might offer an alternative. You know, it's interesting that you— you know, that's one way of looking at it. I've always looked at it this way, or I might consider it another way.
Again, in life, there's not always one answer. Usually there's many different possibilities in life.
So, again, if I don't agree with it, I would want to lean into, "Well, that's— I've never seen it that way. I haven't thought about it that way. This is how I've historically looked at it. What are your thoughts on that?"
And so, if you don't agree, I would put it not in a confrontational, “I don't agree with that,” I would put it more in the, “I hadn't thought about it that way. I've always thought about it, or I've looked at it this way. What are your thoughts about that?” And so I would do that.
Now, if it's clearly against my family values or the values that we have as a family, then I'd probably be a little bit more direct: “That's not something that we value,” or “That's something that we haven't believed.”
And so, if it's a direct confrontation to family values, then I would bring that up and say, “I'm not really comfortable with that, and let me explain why. I've always had this specific family value,” whatever it is.
And I wouldn't be afraid to do that, although I would want to understand how your child is experiencing and giving meaning to what they're learning as a 20-year-old from a therapist.
