When you first receive your grandchildren, you’re going to be in shock because the world you thought was going to be a certain way is not going to be that way. It’s the last thing you wanted to happen because it means that your children—or the people you love and care about—couldn’t take care of their children.

So you’re having to take care of them and bring them into your home, and your life is going to change. Part of it is just acknowledging and saying, “Okay, this is the way it is.” Acknowledging how you can take care of yourself as a grandparent or family member, how you can be there for the kids, and how you can keep this place safe for everybody.

There are a few things you can do around that.

I think first, just acknowledging that it’s a really big deal. It’s a hard thing to do on your own. One of the biggest issues you’re going to come up against right away is: What is your role? And where do your loyalties lie?

Especially if it’s your children who aren’t being the parent they need to be. You have grandchildren—so who are your loyalties with?

If you’re taking those children in to keep them safe, that’s where things switch. And it’s a hard internal switch. It’s not going to happen right away, but just know: “Okay, my job now is as a parent, not a grandparent.”

And as a parent, I need to keep my children safe, just like I was trying to keep the parent of the children safe. Now I have to keep the parent’s children safe. And that’s a hard switch.